In the Dark
Usually, when people go to the airport, they’ve got a lot less time than they thought they did (unless they’re already waiting at their gate). The rush is real, folks. Some people take their time to do some serious people-watching once at their gate, while others stress about gate changes or hobble along to the food court with way too many bags, regretting not packing lighter.
There are so many different kinds of people that you can find at the airport, and thanks to the stress, lack of sleep, and general hustle and bustle that traveling involves, it’s not unusual to imagine that some of them might get a little wacky under the pressure. You may have suspected that airport workers would have some good stories to tell about these people, and boy do they.
I work avionics on F-22s in the Air Force. One day on mid-shift, we got told to go inside, turn off the lights, and not look outside. Once everyone was inside, the big stadium lights that covered the entire airfield were turned off, and the entire airfield was dark. We heard low rumbling in the distance that was getting closer, and rumors started flying. We were under attack, aliens, you name it.
The IUD
After 15 more minutes, we were given the go-ahead to go back outside and back to work. To this day, I still don’t know what on earth happened. Reddit User: magic_zipper
Not an employee but a passenger. I got flagged for a random TSA pat-down, and the agent asked me if I had any metal on my body, to which I said, “I have an IUD.” The agent freaked out and started flagging other agents over. She was barely keeping herself together.
The Trombone
“Please repeat that you have an IED on you,” she nearly whispered. To which I had to say, “No, an IUD, a copper intrauterine device, for birth control.” She didn’t know what an IUD was. I bet she’ll remember now! Reddit User: [redacted]
I work at my local airport, and just last summer we had a hurricane looming down on us. Everyone was getting packed up to evacuate, we were renting cars like crazy to people fleeing, and we were trying to get them out of the storm area. I was out checking on the cars we had, and when I walked back up, there was a man sitting on a bench out front, with an apocalyptic-looking storm bearing down on us, wind whipping everywhere, just soulfully playing the trombone.
No Smoking
No idea where he came from or what he was doing, but it was surreal. He didn’t even want to come into the airport for shelter. Reddit User: DomLite
I worked at Perth airport until recently. Most flights in Perth go to Bali, and you see some right characters. A Jetstar flight was delayed by 7 hours, and a woman and her husband used the time to get absolutely trashed. The woman fancied a cigarette, and rather than go outside and go through security again, she lit up in the middle of the duty-free.
The Escalator Woman
My colleagues quickly tried to stop her, but she refused. Cue airport police, $10,000 fine, and no flight to Bali. Reddit User: vivalapancakes
Pittsburgh International, 3 am or so several years ago. Watched an older woman tumble down the “up” escalator. Every time she flipped over, she yelled “I’m ok!” like Filburt from Rocko’s Modern Life. Flop, I’m ok, flop, I’m ok, flop, I’m ok. Rolled in place for maybe a minute before someone shut the thing off.
Crazy Woman
She walked back down the escalator, and everyone just kind of went silent until she went over to the elevator. She was more than halfway up the escalator. She could have just walked up the rest of the way. Reddit User: Streder
I worked at a corporate aircraft maintenance place, and we had a situation where this crazy woman somehow got out on the secured ramp area by the planes. By the time one of our line service guys saw her, she had the main entry door opened up on a Global XRS aircraft.
Free Rentals
When he pulled up, she looked at him and asked if he could help her get her bags onboard. When he told her he couldn’t, she told him she was going to fly the plane to China and didn’t want to be late. After that occurrence, the security at our airport became insane. Reddit User: chuchubott
My father was regional manager of one of the rental car companies at the airport, and on 9/11, when all flights were grounded, everyone needed rental cars and it was havoc. My father said the phone rang and he almost didn’t answer because he was so busy; turns out it was the company CEO, who ordered him to hand out keys free.
Big Chest
No cost, no documentation, as the situation was severe; all other major rental companies followed suit. I guess not strange, just memorable. Reddit User: R8RBruin
A school friend’s father worked in passport control at Gatwick in the mid-’80s. In those days, passports were often handwritten and had spaces for things like ‘distinguishing features.’ One day, a young woman presented her passport to him, and he opened it and compared the photo…and then paused before saying, “This is a bit unusual.” He showed her the open passport, which read in part: “Distinguishing Features: BIG BREASTS.”
No Bombs
She exclaimed, “My bloody brother, I’ll kill him!” I couldn’t help but laugh, and she did too eventually. Reddit User: Flupsy
Not me, but a friend. He used to work refueling planes. Most days during lunch, he would sit in the airport and do some people watching. Anyway, a cart with a bunch of baggage rolls by, and the bag on the end falls off without anyone noticing but him. After some time, security is notified of the unknown bag.
They Were Not Impressed
Taking all precautions, security brings in the bomb-sniffing dog to check it out. The dog sniffs it for a second and then all of a sudden begins to dry-hump the bag. Reddit User: Sk8Chach
Airports employ falconers. The birds are used to keep other birds away from aircraft, because a bird in an engine can really mess up someone’s day. So this falconer had come into the airport with his bird to grab a cup of coffee. He decided to try to impress some ladies by taking the hawk’s hood off and doing a little demonstration. What he failed to notice was the starlings resting outside on a steel beam.
Farewell Salute
The hawk flew after the starlings, smoked the glass, and broke its neck. Thousands of dollars worth of highly trained bird, gone. Reddit User: [redacted]
My grandmother was a stewardess for Delta for decades. She was serving on a commercial flight to Moscow, Russia during the eighties when Russia/US relations weren’t so groovy. During the flight, two Russian MiG fighter jets came up alongside the plane. Scared the heck out of everybody, including the crew.
The Picky Pilot
They thought that they were going to be shot down. After some confusion, it was announced that the MiGs were escorting the Delta flight as a sort of “farewell salute” to the Delta captain who was piloting his last flight. Reddit User: tenthinsight
The pilot for one of our smaller planes requested de-ice. He’s a very picky guy when it comes to spraying his plane, so he got out to inspect when he thought the crew was done. The de-ice truck was on the other side of the plane, and the crew didn’t see him get out. They weren’t done. He got soaked by hot orange glycol.
It Was Human Poop
Fortunately, it was indirect spray coming off the plane instead of directly from the nozzle at high pressure. The flight was delayed while he ran inside to change, swearing the whole way. Reddit User: EatLard
My mom worked as a TSA agent for years. Most days were pretty calm, and people were usually polite and understanding. The worst treatment she got on a day to day basis was the occasional scoff and snobby attitude. One day, though, people were in a really bad mood, and she couldn’t figure out why until this old lady came through.
His Pants Were Soaked
“Excuse me, but I think someone’s dog might have relieved itself nearby.” It wasn’t dog poop. Someone got tired of standing in line and pooped. Reddit User: Daydave000
I was an F-16 crew chief, so I sort of worked at an airport. I was only a guardsman, so I didn’t see too many crazy things, but one of the jets dumped about 40 gallons of JP-8 jet fuel out of its right wing onto the ground and my friend while he was doing a pre-flight inspection.
Giant Rubber Mice
My first instinct was “that is going to ignite” because the jet was on. It didn’t, so it was just funny seeing my friend’s pants soaked with jet fuel. Reddit User: [redacted]
I worked cargo security for a bit in Miami. I was working on the x-ray machine. You usually can’t tell what’s coming through the machines, but this one time, I call my supervisor over, laughing my butt off. He makes it over and starts laughing even harder. Eventually, most of the other guards, maintenance staff, and loaders are at the machine laughing as well.
The Queen
The shipment was over one ton of giant rubber mice and elephant plushies that looked like they were intended to be elephant toys going to Venezuela. Reddit User: [redacted]
I used to work in a tiny little store in the airport that sold snacks, magazines, and souvenirs. I only lasted a week there. And it was because of this woman who obviously thought she was a queen of the Middle East. She bought one of everything in the store, which rang up to thousands, and then proceeded to return everything.
You’ll Have to Wait
She also complained about how long it was taking and blamed us for missing her flight. I’ve worked in other retail stores, but I’ve never had anyone buy one of each item and then return it that same day. Reddit User: justnodalong
We were traveling fast-track with EasyJet and so got to go through the gate first. A man traveling regular arrived and realized he couldn’t board. He got angry and said smugly, “It doesn’t matter if they go through first, all they will do is wait in the shuttle bus until we get on!”
Don’t Trip
We get go down the stairs and get on the bus and wait. Eventually, the smug guy comes down the stairs with a big smug grin on his face in front of the regular customers. At this moment, the doors on the bus close, stopping him from boarding; his smile disappeared. Reddit User: M90Motorway
Former flight attendant here. When flights would get gate changes, anyone in uniform near the prior gate would get flocked by passengers. One time, in trying to avoid being surrounded, I started to walk/run away from the gate at a very brisk pace. I lost my balance and went sliding across the terminal floor. My Starbucks spilled and both of my shoes came off, but I was told the whole thing was quite graceful.
She Wasn’t Pregnant
During the flight (I still had to serve these passengers who watched me fall), I got little comments here and there about how someone would “catch me” or “don’t trip.” Reddit User: froxyflys
A heavily pregnant lady came through wearing a bright pink hoody. At the airport my friend’s dad works at, they have the new body scanners that take an x-ray image as you go through. The lady goes through, and my friend’s dad gets waved over by his colleague checking the screen. She points at the lady and says, “Does that look like a baby to you?”
He Was Not an Employee
The woman had a full cooked chicken up her hoody! When questioned on it, she started eating it as fast as possible, chicken legs covered in pink fluff! Reddit User: rk2192
I work at the maintenance center for a major domestic airline at SFO. One day, a stranger showed up inside our shop asking who to see about applying for a job there. After a few questions, we found out he was not an employee and had jumped a barbed wire fence and was wandering around airport property without a badge.
It Was Medicinal
We called security, and they escorted him off the property. This was post-9/11 also. And no, he didn’t get the job. I never heard what his full story was. Reddit User: vanhagen
My dad works for airlines, and I think funniest/scariest story he told me was when he and a few others were loading containers into a plane. One guy accidentally dropped a container, and when he picked it back up, the container opened, and there was a severed head and various human limbs all packaged in clear bags.
The Corny Suitcase
(This package was going to some medical place, hence the body parts.) He said that it scared the guy so bad that he went home for the day. Reddit User: Odin343
They grow very good sweet corn in my area of western Wisconsin. My sister in Texas asked me to bring some. So, on the way to the MSP airport, I stopped at a kiosk selling corn and filled up a spare suitcase. Going through the TSA checkpoint, the agent looked at me and laughed her butt off.
Soaked in Jet-A
She said, “I’ve been doing this for 12 years, and this is the first time I saw a suitcase full of corn.” That’s a direct quote. I got through though! Reddit User: markko79
I work for a large international airline at DIA. While working one day, there was a contract fueler filling up a plane. He is such a good guy; we were always buds. He was fueling a 777 for a Munich flight. The fuel coupler that’s embedded in the ground blew off, spraying jet fuel high enough to soak the top of the aircraft.
Gross Water Fountain
The poor guy was soaked in Jet-A. Working out on the ramp is a dangerous job. He’s lucky the valve didn’t hit him square in the face and kill him. Reddit User: 7toZulu
As a passenger at O’Hare, I was once walking to a gate and was going to stop and get a drink from a water fountain. As I bent my head forward to drink, I saw the faucet head was covered in a ball of writhing black worms. I walked away rather disgusted and looked back at the thing one last time.
She’s Late to Her Wedding
I thought, how could they be there? Ugh! No staff were anywhere to be seen, and no one else seemed to notice or care. Reddit User: lazzotronics
We used to have a lady who would charge the security checkpoint in a wedding dress. She had to fly to meet her future husband, who was none other than the newly elected president, George Bush Jr. She was apparently running late for their wedding. This happened more than once. We were told not to stop her and just call the LEO on duty.
Matching Scars
She tried a couple of times to buy a ticket, but she was absolutely crazy, and you can’t sell tickets to crazy. Poor woman. Reddit User: hummingcancer
My uncle ran the small county airport back home, and it was kind of a thing for a lot of families to work there. We are all tall enough to have the wing of my uncle’s 172 be right above head height. Well, my dad, three uncles, five cousins, a couple of buddies from high school, and I all have the exact same scar just above our foreheads from smacking our heads on the tip of the wing.
He Fell in the Pee
It happened when my uncle was showing us the plane; on different occasions, we all hit our heads. Reddit User: the_naughty_ottsel
Not an employee, but one time after I got off a flight in Philly, I was part of that mad rush of dudes that run to use the bathroom after holding it the entire flight. Anyway, it’s Philly Airport, so naturally, there was a large puddle of urine on the floor because someone decided that was a better place to do it than in the urinal.
Halloween Night
Most people saw it and made their way safely around it…except this one businessman, who slipped and face planted right in the urine. Reddit User: JimPromptu
On Halloween, some of the airline and restaurant employees dress up. So late on Halloween night, I see a guy dressed as a baby run through the airport. Must have been late for a party or something and had to close the pizza place he worked at quickly, because he ran the trash all the way outside, then ran back to lock up.
Falconer Shoots Seagulls
Probably about half a mile in almost a dead sprint. It was a little surreal. Seeing an adult-sized baby running across the airport is nightmare fuel. Reddit User: antonio2000
During my first year working at an airport, I ended up one day working inside the maintenance bay of an aircraft parked in a remote area of the airport. After being in there for a good thirty minutes, I start hearing tire screeching and explosions. The falconer, in his pickup truck with his windows down and wearing his sunglasses, was chasing a flock of seagulls.
Weird Flight
They kept landing a hundred feet or so behind him every time he drove through the flock. So he started shooting at them with some kind of firework gun every 30 seconds. Reddit User: Nopause4poop
I was a cargo specialist. One morning, on one single flight, we had a prisoner with armed guards, a group of nuns from the Vatican that spoke no English, a troupe of acrobatic circus performers from Vermont, a field trip of students from a school for the blind, and in the cargo hold was a heart for transplant and a box of venomous snakes going to a lab.
Free Food
While we were dealing with all of this, a lady had a seizure while standing in line waiting to check in. What a day. Reddit User: pllaidllama
I worked as a ramp agent for an FBO (think full-service gas station, but for private planes) in college. It was either late 2007 or early 2008, so we had campaign flights come through. These campaigns basically have to cater to the journalists traveling with them, so they were 737s absolutely full, and they always had a ton of food.
Not Enough Celebrities
Anything that wasn’t eaten had to be disposed of. As a courtesy, they would leave a bunch of the food for us. When McCain came through, we got steak and potatoes; it was awesome. When Biden came through, all we got was salad. Reddit User: hellrodkc
My dad flies a lot for work. Like 150-200k miles a year a lot. He was flying through Atlanta via Delta one day, and just after exiting the plane, on the ramp to get back to the gate, there was a guy holding a sign with his name on it. Turns out it was a limo driver, who drove him across the Tarmac to his next gate.
He’s Just Sleeping
He was told they used to just offer that to celebrities/VIPs, but they didn’t have enough of them coming through to constantly be needed. Reddit User: LagOutLoud
Not me, but one of my old substitute teachers used to work for airport security in Portland. He told the class a story that a family visiting the country had their grandpa die while there, and because transporting dead bodies is more expensive than transporting living people, they tried to smuggle him on the plane and just pretend he was asleep. Imagine being the other passengers.
Inflatable T-Rex
I don’t think the family in question got into any legal trouble though, but they had to pay more to transport their dead grandpa. Reddit User: budderyfish
I work in a small airport; most of my occurrences are all pretty darn cute. There was a guy who left his left shoe at TSA, to the point that the airport had to do a whole building intercom call to get him back. This one guy was waiting for his girlfriend with roses and a package. The girl shows up from arrivals, and they do their kisses and the hugging.
Missing Skydiver
A few minutes later, she puts on the inflatable T-rex costume her boyfriend got her, and people were loving it. She had a line of people wanting to take pictures with her. Reddit User: Shina-nya
My dad used to be a pilot at the local airport. It’s minuscule as airports go, out in the middle of the woods. But it’s been used by a group of skydivers for years. One time, my dad had taken a group of them up; they jumped out, and after he landed, they did the routine headcount.
The Doorstop
One guy was missing. When they ended up getting a police dog to help, they found the guy in a tree! He was fine, thankfully. His parachute had gotten tangled in the branches. Reddit User: Indya89
There is the story of “the doorstop” among airport workers. Many years ago, in an airport (LHR, I believe), they were shipping a number of gold bars, as one does. When the shipment finally arrived at its destination, a gold bar was found to be missing. This was huge, and everywhere was turned over and searched. The investigations went on for months.
He Smelled Bad
Years later, someone noticed a dusty, darkened block being used as a doorstop in one of the corridors, picked it up, and thought to themselves, “This is a bit heavy….” Reddit User: Cdn_Nick
A friend told a story about a man and his family who had to be taken off a flight and sent to their destination on a later flight. The reason? The father had terrible BO; it was so bad it stunk up the entire cabin. They brought him down to a nearby admiral’s club and had him take a shower and change his clothes.
She Offered Him a Job
The wife was distraught and super embarrassed and spent the whole time trying to explain that he had just started some new medication or something. Reddit User: ThisOldHatte
I was a passenger service assistant (wheelchair guy) at O’Hare (Chicago) for a bit. My stories weren’t all that wild, but I had a passenger who I only knew was some important businesswoman who busted her leg, hence the wheelchair. After talking to her about college for a bit, she revealed herself to be the CEO of a company and offered me an internship. She was awesome.
Pay Your Bills
It was at that moment I knew that I was done with that boring job. I had received everything I needed from it. Reddit User: [redacted]
I know one time a man left one of the restaurants without paying for his $25 bill. One of the waitresses realized and took an EFTPOS machine to his gate, told the gate agents what had happened, and they called security to escort her onto the plane so he could pay his bill. Once she was on there, the man still refused to pay.
The captain then decided that he didn’t want this man on his flight and asked security to kick him off the plane. He ended up being escorted out of the airport. Reddit User: Efferent