The Worms
Working in an emergency room, you never really know who will walk in those doors, or what they’ll be needing urgent care for. The brave men and women of the ER must remain cool, calm, and collected in order to tend to emergency situations at all hours of the day. Many patients who come into the emergency room have small, manageable cases, but others aren’t so simple…
Workers have encountered everything from imaginary worms, to actual gorillas wheeled into the waiting room. And that doesn’t even scratch the surface of the lunacy that some ER workers have reported seeing. Some emergency room workers have taken the time to share some of their craziest stories about who and what came walking through their doors. You’ve been warned: some of these stories will leave you scratching your head…
Drinking Blood
Late one night, we had a patient come into the ER with a strange complaint. She said she was infected with worms, claiming that she had been seeing them in her mouth and in the bathroom for several months.
She even brought a sample of the worms with her, contained in a glass and covered with saran wrap. When I explained the sample, I realized that it appeared to be nothing more than saliva. But before I could explain this to the patient, her parents arrived.
They had driven all the way from out of state in a panic over their daughter’s supposed parasitic infection. I tried to reassure them that it was likely a delusional disorder called Delusional Parasitosis, but they demanded a GI consult to investigate the infection further.
So, I decided to take a closer look at the sample. I ran it around in my fingers and showed them. His reaction was quite a sight to see. It went from “don’t be ridiculous, she’s sick,” to “what the hell are you doing?”, to “wait a second, that looks like spit,” to “holy crap, my daughter is crazy.”Reddit User: [Redacted].
Gangster Love
Working as a phlebotomist at a hospital with a psych unit, I had the pleasure of running into some pretty interesting individuals. There was this one guy who had a unique request – he refused to let me draw his blood unless I could provide him with blood to replace the sample I had taken.
So with the help of the nursing staff, we decided to offer him V-8 juice as a substitute. To make it more convincing, we warmed it up and told him that it was fresh O+ blood. He was hesitant at first, but he eventually let me draw his blood.
During the process, he kept talking about how the devil was watching us and how I was going to hell. But when we gave him the V-8, he acted like it was actually bringing parts of him back to life. In situations like that, creativity is sometimes better than restraining someone. Reddit user: [Redacted]
Ranting and Raving
I had a patient who was a legit gangster with the name and all (for HIPAA I won’t post his name, but pick any over-the-top mobster name like Jimmy the ape). He was admitted because he had been in a fight with a fellow gangster who had shot his toe off.
Instead of coming to the doctor, he attempted to “treat” the wound by himself. Surprise, surprise, the wound became severely infected and he had to be hospitalized for debridement and treatment with antibiotics.
During our interaction, he noticed my wedding ring and asked if my husband had life insurance. I didn’t know where this was going until he said, “I can work something out…”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to such an inappropriate comment from a patient. No, erase that, it didn’t matter if he was a patient or not. I believe that was supposed to be flirty, but it was just the strangest thing… Reddit user: [eshol02]
All For Love
During my shift, I had a couple of interesting encounters with patients. I had a patient come in ranting and raving that they were going to sue the ambulance people for beating the patient to a pulp, and leaving them in a ditch on a mountain.
Of course, we didn’t do anything like that nor did we even have have mountains. But the patient proceeded on insisting we retrieve “the Skype footage” for their court case. We didn’t know what she was talking about.
The judge realized they were a little off, so they were advised to speak to their lawyer after releasing the records I was authorized to release. On another occasion, I also had a patient come in complaining that their doctor was a liar.
She accused a doctor for falsifying her medical records and said, “The doctor thinks I’m not actually sick.” The patient demanded thatI change it, but I said no.
The last ranting and raving patient said that they needed their test results now because they’d slept with a stripper, and needed to know if they caught a specific disease. Reddit user: FurTheGigs
Monkeying Around
It is that time of the year again when the football season has just started, and we were anticipating an influx of players into the ER for the next couple of months. One night, we had an 18-year-old male patient by ambulance, who had an open fracture in his tibia.
We only had him in the main ER for about 15 minutes before we transferred him elsewhere, but he sure was a talker. As the attending nurse, I went in there to get some information from him so we could admit him, and this is where it got funny (he was on a lot of pain medication, the good stuff).
As soon as I walked in, he immediately stopped talking and just stared at me. Then he asked me what I was doing later after work, while his dad laughed hysterically and his mom yelled at him to be quiet.
It didn’t stop there. He proceeded to ask me if I would like to rent a “Redbox” movie and watch it later at his house, as his parents go to bed early, and we could have the couch all to ourselves.
His dad could not stop laughing, and his mom looked very mad. All in all, the guy had a broken bone sticking out of his leg and he was still trying to hit on a girl. Reddit user: [Redacted]
Ear Games
I have had some pretty crazy experiences in the ER that most people would find hard to believe, but this is by far the best. One day, a real, live gorilla was brought in. This was not a man in a gorilla suit, but a real life genuine gorilla.
Apparently, there had been a fight between the male gorillas at the zoo, and one of them had been dropped on its head quite violently. The zoo staff had inserted a breathing tube and knew the injury was severe.
As a last resort, I contacted our hospital’s neurosurgeons to see if they could help. They agreed to take a look at the gorilla and brought him in with IVs, a heart monitor, and other necessary equipment.
We did a CT scan and, unfortunately, the medical team said the gorilla wasn’t going to survive. The zoo staff were inconsolable and kept crying. It was sad. Reddit user: Stamos
A Tango With Wasps
We had a patient coming in, complaining of “difficulty hearing.” Now, this doesn’t really merit an ER visit, so we didn’t really hurry to treat him. But still, despite the lack of urgency, we still examined him in the end.
After some time, our ear, nose and throat specialist arrived and discovered the tip of a Q-Tip lodged in his ear. We couldn’t believe it had been there for who knows how long.
Another time, a patient was admitted to the ER with a complaint of “some bleeding.” We found out that he had attempted to insert an IV on his own in the crook of his arm, but had mistakenly aimed for the artery.
We weren’t sure why he did that, since the doctor had already done it for him. Apparently, he hit it. He walked in, occluding it with his fingers. I really had no words. Reddit user: nordwind25
An Immaculate Conception
I was a frequent visitor to the ER when my mother and grandmother were taking turns being sick. This led me to become familiar with the staff since I was there at least once a week.
The ER that I frequented was basically a great big room with a bunch of beds separated by curtains. Since there was nothing but curtains, there was also very little privacy. One day, a man who spoke only Portuguese was brought in, and he needed an interpreter.
Although I couldn’t see him, I could hear he was having difficulty speaking. The interpreter had a very loud voice so I could hear everything. Apparently, it turned out that the man had found what he believed was a beehive and decided to open it to eat the honey. Great plan, except it wasn’t a beehive, it was a wasp’s nest.
He had been stung numerous times around his mouth and face. I wish I had been able to get a peek, but everyone who did get to see him audibly gasped when they walked in. Reddit user: stormydog
It Slipped Up There
I had a woman and her 16-year-old daughter come in, with the daughter complaining of abdominal pain. The mom was carrying a bible. During the exam, the doctor asked if there was any chance that the daughter was pregnant.
The mom went ballistic. “We are a good Christian family! How Dare you! I’ll see that you’re fired!” We get the labs back and, of course, she is pregnant. When the doctor returned to the room, he asked the daughter again if there was any chance that she was pregnant.
As expected, the mother responded angrily again and demanded to see another doctor. The doctor looks at mom and says, “I’m not talking to you!” He asks the girl again if she could be pregnant, and she responds with the typical, “Oh goodness no, I’m a virgin.”
The doctor then handed the lab results to the mother and said, “Congratulations. Another immaculate conception,” before walking out of the room. Reddit user: TurnTheTVOff
Dates In The Hospital
I have worked as a tech at the front desk of an ER, and I have seen some pretty bizarre cases. One morning, as my shift started at around 6 am, a 75-year-old Asian man walked in and tried speaking with me.
He was speaking in a language I was unfamiliar with, so I couldn’t understand him. All I could make out was, “No fart, no poo-poo.” Trying to communicate was of no use, so I called our translation line and had them get a Vietnamese translator.
After about 10 minutes of him being on the phone, I took the line. The translator explained that the man thinks something “slipped” up his bottom. I took the man to see the doctor, who then recommended that we take an X-ray to see what was going on.
We got the film back, and to our shock, he had a huge can of hair spray way up there. When the doctor asked him how it got there, all he could come up with was, “I don’t know, someone must have pushed it up while I was sleeping.” Reddit user: Balognarye
Where Are You Going, Sir?
A 72-year-old male patient was admitted to the hospital for treatment of kidney stones, and eventually ended up with a catheter. Everyone noticed that he had tons of visitors, all of whom were blonde females under the age of 35.
And I’m saying this with no bias whatsoever: they were all extremely gorgeous. In fact, most looked like they were either actresses or models. One of the nurses made a comment about how it was nice that his granddaughters came to visit him.
The patient responded with a laugh, “Granddaughters? Those babes are from OkCupid!” Not sure why he thought that a date in the hospital watching him pee in a bag was particularly romantic, but I do hope that he landed a second date in the end. Reddit user: [Redacted]
AIDS From A Sandwich
This happened on a 911 call I was responding to. The call was about a 20-year-old male who had fallen in his home. I immediately suspected that something was amiss because indoor falls are usually associated with older adults.
We pulled up to the scene and we headed towards the nice two-story home only to find the front door open and nobody inside. I looked around the corner, and a man with a ton of insulation and plaster around him was face down on the ground.
Above him were two holes, approximately 20 feet up. It was obvious that this man fell through the attic floor, and the force of his body had also caused the second story to collapse.
We all thought he was dead, but when we tried to wake him, he stood straight up and ran out the door. I have no clue why he did that, or where he was going, but even the cops couldn’t find him. Reddit user: Jordinr1
Extreme Stomach Pain
I had a patient come in once, and this is how the conversation went. I said, “What are we seeing you for today?” She said, and I kid you not, “I believe I got AIDS from a sandwich.”
I asked her to explain what she meant. She said, “The sandwich had mayonnaise on it.” I immediately knew I must have misheard the first time, so I said, “Mayonnaise? Oh, did you say eggs?”
But she was adamant that it was not eggs. “No, AIDS. A. I. D. S.” Trying not to laugh, I asked her why she thought she has AIDS. Her response was, “My urine has a real foul smell to it.” It was the craziest thing I had ever heard.
At this point, I realized that my patient was misinformed and possibly confused about her condition. When you are checking a patient into the emergency room, you have to choose a description off of a list of possible complaints, like “chest pain,” or “shortness of breath.”
“AIDS from a sandwich” is not on that list. It took me a minute to figure out what to put, settling with “Other, Ask me.” I then excitedly hunted down a nurse to giddily inform them their next patient had supposedly contracted, not HIV, but full-blown AIDS, from a sandwich. Reddit user: [Redacted]
The Little Blue Pill
My sister is a registered nurse in an ER. On one of her shifts, she had a patient who came in, screaming in pain. The woman didn’t have bowel movements for over two months, which was obviously the cause of her extreme discomfort.
My sister examined her and the girl’s butt area was wide open. There was a huge hole that you could look into. While my sister was a bit surprised (honestly, who wouldn’t?), she knew that severe constipation could do that to anyone.
That area was open, because her impending bowel movement was huge and as hard as a rock, so it wouldn’t close. My sister tried giving the patient an enema, but it still wouldn’t come out. Eventually, my sister had no choice but to pull it out herself.
After it all came out, my sister looked down in horror to see a cockroach crawling around in the excrement. The experience was so traumatic that my sister almost quit her job that day. Reddit user: [Redacted]
What Kind Of Bug Bit You?
Once, we had a young guy come in who had taken a little blue pill before engaging in intimate acts. His girlfriend had rolled over right after, and passed out, and the guy was stuck there, needing to tend to his… member.
After about five hours, he decided he wanted to try to fix it himself. So he went and tried to drain it. Obviously, that didn’t help and he ended up worsening the situation. So now he was stuck with two needles sticking out of it like little antennas.
Long story short, he ended up driving himself to the ER with the two needles sticking out of his member. He was crying as he waddled into the hospital with his pants down.
I’m a girl, but I had major sympathy pains for him. I’m getting them again right now just thinking about it. Ugh. Reddit user: [Redacted]
Sinister Sausages
It was around 10 pm one night, and earlier in the day, I had an accident and thought that I had broken my foot. So anyway I had been sitting in the ER waiting room for about 10 minutes, when they came out and called my name.
It was odd because there were around 20 other people there before me, but she kept calling for me, so I got up and went. I didn’t think much of it and made my way to the examination room. The nurse who attended to me was very kind, and she asked me lots of questions about my injury and pain level.
After a few minutes, she instructed me to change into a hospital gown, which caught me off guard. I hesitated to remove my clothes, since I thought my foot was the only thing that needed attention.
Since it was just my foot, I asked if I really needed to, and she said, “Well how else are we supposed to see it?” So there I am, confused, and the doctor walks in and asks, “So, what kind of bug do you believe bit you?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
I told him I was just there for my foot, and he started looking over the charts again. It turned out there was another gentleman in the waiting room that had the exact same name as me, and he had passed out because of his bug bite. Reddit user: ascultone
Burning Sinner
My ex was a nurse, and she once attended an emergency surgery of a guy who had been stabbed with a spork, and the utensil was still in his chest when he arrived at the hospital.
What made it even more bizarre was that on the fork side of the spork, there was a little piece of Wiener Wurst attached. When the guy was wheeled into the operating room, the surgeon’s hand trembled from laughter during the whole operation.
Of course, before he could begin, the surgeon had to remove the dangling sausage from the spork, lest it fall onto the patient’s wounds. The patient claimed that he had slipped while eating dinner and fell on the spork when asked during recovery.
On the other hand, the authorities suspected that there might have been something more sinister going on. Whatever it was, beats me. Reddit user: EPIC_BOY_CHOLDE
Who Made Him Do It?
I once had a patient who was a Catholic priest. He came to us with a severe skin rash that he had been treating with Clorox cleanup solution, which, of course, was only making the rash worse.
When we asked him about the rash, he initially told us that he had caught it from his wife, but he pleaded with us not to report him to the head guy at the church since he wasn’t supposed to be married.
We couldn’t report anything due to privacy laws. We later found out that the “wife” had talked about to was actually a prostitute who happened to be one of our patients as well.
Just for your information, Clorox spray, when applied liberally and directly to your private parts, will cause burns. Please don’t say I didn’t warn you. Reddit user: [Redacted]
Various Stories
We had a man drive himself to the hospital because he was having delusions, and decided it would be a good idea to cut off his own “little man.” According to him, after said removal, he regretted the decision.
To remedy the problem, he stuck a pencil through the severed member, stuck it back on the stump, and attempted to superglue the whole thing back together. He tried for a while, and when it didn’t work, he drove on over to the ER.
He said that God had told him that if he removed his member as a sacrifice, he would stop global warming. I guess it was a noble reason for him to do it. And the next night, when I returned to work, he had been admitted to my unit, and was one of my patients. Yay.
They were able to, by some huge miracle, reattach it. They didn’t know if it would ever be fully functional again, but he could at least urinate. Reddit user: [Redacted]
Red Hot
I have so many stories, but these are my favorite. One of them is about a guy who had a freshly splinted arm, but he pulled it out of its sling while screaming in pain just so he could put his jacket on to go home.
Another story that comes to mind is about a homeless man who frequently visited our ER and had the habit of peeing himself as a way of life. One day, he was sitting in the waiting room and kept moving from chair to chair, peeing himself on different furniture every five minutes.
While working at the ER, I also encountered a man with stomach cancer who patiently waited in the waiting room for 12 hours without ever complaining. He didn’t say why he was there, he just sat waiting for hours.
Another memorable story is about a pregnant woman who accidentally locked herself in the family bathroom and gave birth. Thankfully, she and the baby were both fine, but she could’ve surely done with some help in there. Reddit user: Beartown9000
Glittery Body Wash
My cousin was training for her nurse diploma at a local hospital. There was this old guy (70-80) coming in the ER with a big wound on his leg. But when my cousin asked him to remove his boots and clothes so he could change into proper clothing, he started yelling and screaming.
Despite the efforts of several doctors to calm him down, he continued to resist and even fought them. After some time, when he calmed down, they injected him with some anesthetic in order to remove his boots.
As it turns out, the guy was ashamed to take them off because he had his toenails painted red and he was embarrassed for anyone to see them. Reddit user: SteliosTh
Oranges And Insulin
A nice fella underwent a colonoscopy prep, but unfortunately, he overdid it and began vomiting. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he also experienced diarrhea. Eventually, his body was completely emptied, and he began to feel better.
At that point, he decided to push forward with the colonoscopy prep instead of giving up on the procedure altogether. Amazingly, the GI doctor agreed to proceed with the colonoscopy, as long as the patient agreed to be checked out for dehydration and infection afterwards.
After the procedure, the patient hopped into the shower to clean up. But maybe in his haste, he failed to notice that he had used his teenage daughter’s glittery body wash.
When he arrived to see me, he was still sparkling from head to toe, looking like Edward from Twilight. Once he heard the workup was okay, and he was clear for the scope, we all had a great laugh. Reddit user: procrast1natrix
Horsing Around
My mom is a nurse, and, trust me, she has come home with many unbelievable stories. This is one of them. She had a patient who was newly-diagnosed with diabetes, and she had to explain to him how to inject insulin.
To make it easier for him to understand, my mom used an orange to demonstrate how to do it. The patient said he understood and that was the end of it. But a week later, the same patient came back to the hospital, with his diabetes has gotten worse..
This came as a surprise to my mom, as she had shown him exactly how to inject the insulin. She asked him to tell her about how he had been injecting it, and that’s when things got interesting.
The guy said he had been buying oranges and injecting them with insulin, and then he ate the oranges. I don’t understand people sometimes. Reddit user: helloworld508
The Attempted Escape
I’m not a nurse, but when I was a paramedic, we had a woman who was trampled by a horse. When she was brought in for treatment, she was in a really bad shape and needed immediate medical attention.
The woman’s husband, however, thought that the doctors needed to see the horse that caused her injury. He brought the horse in a trailer and tried to bring it inside the ambulance bay. He even tied it to a gurney, which caused chaos and panic in the emergency room.
It was a complete circus and everyone was trying to get the horse out of the hospital. Also, this was a major urban hospital, not the suburbs or a rural area, so it was that much weirder to see a man walking in with a horse. Reddit user: foreignqueso89
Not Nailing It
My cousin is a nurse at a hospital that provides medical care for a major city’s inmate population. Her first week there, she was going to give a prisoner some kind of vaccination but the prisoner was missing from his cell.
Together with the deputy guarding the door, they started to search for the prisoner. After a few minutes of searching, they noticed that the drop ceiling tiles were moving slightly.
My cousin stepped back and alerted two deputies and a police officer who immediately came to their aid. The deputies and the officer grabbed whatever tools they could find in the janitor’s closet – a broom and a mop – and started poking up into the ceiling.
After a few moments of silence, the inmate suddenly fell out head-first onto one of the deputies, resulting in both of them getting a concussion. They both had to be admitted to the hospital for treatment. The inmate was eventually caught and readmitted. Reddit user: txman91
Internal Bleeding Or External Shedding
This is a story from when my aunt did a stint as an ER nurse, before being an orthopedic RN. During that time, she had encountered two construction workers who came in for treatment.
One of them had a baseball cap that was standing straight up in the air, with the peak of the cap stuck to his forehead. As per the foreman on the job, he had sent the two of them together to the ER.
Apparently, he and his buddy were clowning around on the construction site and thought it would be hilarious to staple the baseball cap to the worker’s forehead using a nail gun. Can you believe it? That’s right, they actually did that.
Fortunately, by some miracle, the penetrating nail went in just the right spot that the only damage done was a small hole in his head, fixed by about five stitches. Reddit user: Goombaw
Allergic To Water
We had a dad bring his kid in, cause she had weird red areas on her belly. He screamed at us, cursed, and made a big scene, claiming his kid would “fade into unconsciousness,” and we were just watching her die. The dad was totally crazy.
So we examined the girl, but there was no signs of problems whatsoever, while we had actually-sick kids waiting. Still, dad insisted that we get an ultrasound for his kid, saying she had internal bleeding.
When the ultrasound gel was applied, we wiped off the red color that she probably got from a new shirt or toy. The father seemed embarrassed and apologized for his behavior. Reddit user: bringmeagene
Not You Again
I see some crazy stuff, but one thing that stands out was the time I was admitting a guy to the hospital. I can’t really remember what for, but he was about 400 lbs, diabetic, with heart disease, and many other issues.
Anyhow, I’m at the computer, going over some admission questions with him, and his 10 family members who are crowded in the room with him. We were discussing his medical history when the patient suddenly complained that he was thirsty.
He needs something to drink “right now,” so I get on my phone and call the nurse assistant, and ask her to bring in some ice water. But surprisingly, the whole family started screaming to stop me.
“No! No water! He’s allergic to water!” they said, which actually stunned me. It turns out that the patient had been drinking nothing but sprite and sweet tea for years due to his “water allergy.”
The next question from the patient’s wife was about the sleeping arrangements for the family. I was informed that the entire family, consisting of ten members, planned to stay at the hospital with the patient. Reddit user: jsellars8
A Flesh-Eating Virus
As I was heading towards the hospital cafeteria, I saw a guy crouched down behind a trash can. He was only wearing a gown and holding his IV port, so he was quite noticeable.
He was also an interesting-looking fella, sorta weird-looking. As I approached the cafeteria, I saw some security officers running in and I watched the guy crouch down even lower, trying to avoid their attention.
One of the officers spotted him and yelled at him to come with her. The guy suddenly jumped up and screamed, “Not you again!” He then grabbed an open carton of milk and hurled it towards the officer’s face. The carton hit her, and the milk splattered all over her uniform.
This started a chase, and I watched as they ran down the hallway. I went back with my breakfast. Later, I found out that the guy was trying to leave the hospital with his IV port still attached.
He did it so he could engage in some unhealthy activities, but the security officers caught him in the end. It was quite an eventful morning at the hospital, and I’m sure I’ll never forget it. Reddit user: HaezieDaze
On The Radiator, For Three Days
I was working in the operating room a couple of years ago when an emergency case came in. A patient had developed necrotizing fasciitis on his genitals, which led to rotting of his family jewels.
It was a horrifying sight to see the soft and squishy part of his anatomy that housed his future children turning into a black and green goblin. It turns out he got a bug bite on it that wouldn’t stop itching.
In an attempt to relieve the discomfort, he scratched the area, which broke the skin. Because of this, he got himself a case of necrotizing fasciitis. The surgeon had to cut part of it away, and swaddled his jewels in gauze while they fashioned a new one for him out of his thigh skin. Reddit user: melmite
A Change Was Needed
My uncle is a burn specialist at Rush Hospital in Chicago. He grafts skin when people get awful burns. So one time, I asked him what was the worst injury he’s ever seen. Obviously, he has a pretty strong stomach, so not much bothers him. However, there was one burn that really caught him off guard.
So, this guy was so messed up one night, that he fell asleep on the radiator…for three days. Some friend found him, and sent him to the ER. This guy’s leg was literally six times the size of normal, and all black and puffy. Then they just decided to cut the thing off. The guy woke up a week later with no knowledge of his leg being cut off. Reddit user: Fitanto
An Unlucky Family
A police officer picked up a person who was on the side of the road looking very ill. The officer brought her to the hospital because it was apparent she hadn’t showered in a really long time. While he didn’t think there was an emergency, he didn’t like that she looked so filthy. The doctors then confirmed that she needed medical treatment ASAP.
The nurses assisted in trying to get her out of her clothes, and into a hospital gown. They managed to get her shirt and pants off, but could not get her underwear off. Her underwear had virtually infused into her skin, because she never changed them, and constantly went both number one and two in them, without cleaning or changing. I will never forget this as long as I live. Reddit user: [Redacted]
You’re Having A Heart Attack
The worst thing I ever saw was a man come in who he was cutting logs with a chainsaw. He had the chainsaw still attached to his body when he got there; it was stuck in his foot, in his shin, and in his calf. He was so drunk, he was trying to get out of the wheelchair, and trying to do a little jig to the soft music he heard outside. But we saved everything, somehow.
A year later, his wife and her sister were in the hospital. They had tried to start a bonfire with gasoline. They had poured it on the pile of wood while smoking. They exploded themselves, and jumped into a stagnant pond. There were burns on 90% of their bodies, and extreme infections. One of them even lost a leg. Reddit user: MisterMetal
Three Weeks Of Contacts
I’m an emergency medicine doctor. I had a guy in his 60s come in. He had never been to a doctor before. He was clutching his chest, sweating, and breathing heavily. He said, “My constipation has gotten so bad it woke me up from sleep. It’s putting all this pressure on my chest!” I responded, “When was your last bowel movement?”
He told me it was yesterday, then asked me what was causing the pressure. We got an EKG, and it showed he was having a heart attack. So I told him we had to bring him to another hospital for treatment. He said, “No way, just give me a laxative.” We argued back and forth for 10 min before he let me transfer him.
I called over to the other hospital and they said he argued with them for 45 min before he let them take him to the cath lab. He had nearly complete occlusion of two major vessels in his heart. Two stents and a brief ICU stay later, he was back on the streets, living his life. He probably still thinks I’m an idiot for making him go through all of that, just for his constipation. Reddit user: RZoroaster
Cockroaches
One time, a patient came in complaining of severe eye pain with visual disturbances in both eyes, which started about three weeks prior. The emergency doc asked if they wore contacts, and they said yes, and that they knew why their eyes started hurting. When I asked them to explain the reason why, I knew humanity had lost a few points.
They hadn’t been cleaning or removing their contacts before that initial three weeks. Then they kept wearing them for those three weeks, straight until they came to the ER. They were a couple days away from losing their vision, permanently. I seriously hope they switched back to wearing glasses after that. Some people just aren’t meant to use modern-day inventions. Reddit user: Violent Thespian
The Daily Cracking
An elderly lady came in with her medication bottles in an old carry-on suitcase with a floral decoration reminiscent of the 1960s. It smelled musty. We settled the patient into her room, and after a bit, decided to attend to the charting, and opened the old suitcase at the nurse’s station. A cascade of roaches emerged from the case, and scurried all over the counter.
That happened years ago, and I still remember it vividly. We admitted her into the hospital, and made sure a safety and health inspection was done at her home before she could leave. We ended up contacting her children, who were unaware that her ability to keep up with her housework had deteriorated. She was moved into a nursing home until her house was cleaned up. Reddit user: nellirn
Barbecue Anyone?
I got an ER call one night when I was a medical student. The chief complaint was nether-region pain. The guy was in his mid-forties, and seemed normal, with no obvious past medical or surgical history. I ask him about when it started, and he told me that it had been hurting ever since he “cracked it” that morning. I assumed I had misheard, or that he misspoke, so I asked for clarification.
He proceeded to explain that, ever since he was a teenager, he would “crack” his man bits every morning to make it soft. He demonstrated cracking by placing his two closed hands together on top of each other, then quickly bending the top 90 degrees. I was stunned.
He was completely lost as to why it still hurt today, when it had been thirty years, and the pain always went away by mid-morning before. That poor wee-wee looked like a gnarled root. Reddit user: genuflect_before_zod
Eyes Full Of Coffee
I once had a woman come in for months complaining of random abdominal pain. Every time she came in, the pain was in a different location. We did X-rays and CT scans, but nothing showed up. One night, she was laying in bed, and felt a sharp pain in one spot. So she pressed down on that area and felt something hard and sharp poking through her skin.
She pinched it between her fingernails and pulled it out. It was a five-inch wire. It turned out to be part of a barbecue brush that was fraying about five months earlier when she last barbecued. It was the most bizarre thing I’d ever seen, and I learned a lesson. I hope she did too: replace your bbq brushes often. Reddit user: rachabe
First Impressions
I remember a patient who came in with eye irritation. From the beginning, it was clear something unusual was going on, as there was an alarming amount of plant material packed under his eyelids. While rinsing it out for him, he explained he was vacuum-sealing ground coffee beans, and opened the lid of the tube to look inside. I have no idea why he did it, to begin with.
The actual physics of how this happened from a vacuum sealer is not clear to me. In any case, he received a face full of pressurized coffee beans, most of which seemed to collect under his eyelids after pressurizing a container full of coffee beans, and promptly opening it inches from his face to look inside. I don’t get humans. Reddit user: leroy020
He went straight through the first umbrella, and of course, shattered the bones in both his lower legs. This was a man in his 40s. I asked him, ”You’re in your 40s, and you’re still using silly playground tricks to impress chicks?” At least he looked embarrassed. I then asked him, ”So, what happened to the women?” He said, ”Oh, they just laughed at me while looking over the edge.” Reddit user: OkeyDoke4