A Russian Will
The most natural thing about living is passing on. What happens to our bodies and belongings after we die is completely up to us. Buried in a coffin. Cremated. Viking funeral. Turned into a tree or a diamond. You know, the usual. Our loved ones are to be given what’s left. Money, record collections, furniture, and so on.
What happens when you tell your lawyer something completely crazy to put in your will? Well, sometimes your special request goes through with no problems, and sometimes, you don’t quite get your way and your wacky idea is denied. Thankfully, some people were able to weasel some zany requests into their wills…and those stipulations had lawyers scratching their heads.
I had a Russian client. He was a son of an oligarch. His father created a trust that provided dispositive provisions for if he were kidnapped and not found within a certain number of months. Freaked me out and was super surreal. I believe the will had similar language too.
Just the Cats
I believe there was a separate document (in addition to the trust) that provided that his will should be effective to the extent he was kidnapped and not recovered within a certain period of time. Reddit User: [redacted]
Just last week, I handled a matter where the parents left millions in artwork to various people, wads of cash to various charities, and only left their kids the family cats. Turns out they did it because the kids got them the cats to comfort the parents in their old age, and the parents hated the cats, but the kids wouldn’t let them get rid of the cats.
Keep the Cats Alive
Some way to get back at them. The kids were furious and tried to fight it, but they couldn’t change anything. Reddit User: Dr_BrOneil
Not a lawyer, but an aging woman my family knew left her house (large and in a very affluent neighborhood) and estate to family friends so long as her cats were alive and taken care of in said house. After they died, the house was to be sold and the remaining estate donated.
A Fountain for Man and Beast Alike
The weird thing is, it’s been like 10 years, and the cats are still alive. So…temporary win? Reddit User: Endless_Argument
Not a will, but a deed. The city I work for was renovating a small park that was donated to the city in the 1910s. We went looking through the hand-written deed for easements or other restrictions and found that the family could claw the property back if the park was not “perpetually provided with a fountain of pleasant running water fit for consumption by man and beast alike.”
Books
The family still has descendants in town, so we installed a new water fountain with a dog bowl filler just to be safe. Reddit User: Sandor17
Here’s one from one of my dad’s law partners. He had a lady come in with an itemized list of books and wanted her will to contain all of the books and who would get what based on her choosing. So basically she decided who gets what specific book instead of letting her beneficiaries decide. According to dad’s law partner, her list was about 2,000 books to be divided among about 30 people.
He Was a Crap Dad
She was apparently very specific and still comes back at least once a year to add all the new books she’s gotten. Reddit User: littleredbird1991
I’m the executor of my grandmother’s will. I also get the house and everything in it and a share of life insurance that’s split three ways between myself, sister, and mom. Well in the will, there’s like a whole paragraph that states how my dad gets nothing; he doesn’t lay a finger on anything in the house or any money.
Spring Loaded Coffin
Thanks grandma, I’ll appreciate the awkwardness of having to enforce that will someday. Reddit User: CoCoah83
I (early 20s) was forced to write a will due to the health insurance I get at work, and, among sensible stuff, the in-house lawyer said it was totally okay for this clause to be added: “My funeral wishes are that I be buried in a coffin which has been springloaded, such that opening the coffin would cause alarm to future archeologists.”
I’ll See You in Hell
Then a bunch of stuff about how if this is too costly, I’d be cremated and have my ashes scattered in a specific place. Reddit User: WanderCold
I had a friend who had a toxic relationship with his uncle. They always fought at every family event, and he would hold a grudge until the next time they would see each other for them to just fight again. When his uncle passed, he was surprised to find he was in the will. He couldn’t think of what it could be.
Cremate the Horse Too
Turns out there was a handwritten IOU that read, “I’m leaving you 15k, but you have to come get it from me. I’ll see you in hell!” My friend laughed. Reddit User: ThisSideOfVanishing
I work in probate. This is a court where the will is “proven” and that sort of thing. The oddest thing I’ve seen in a will is that this woman wanted to euthanize their beloved horse, have it cremated, and have its ashes scattered with the decedent. She wanted this done whether or not her horse was alive by the time she was dead.
One Dollar
Luckily for her horse, she named a horse that was already dead, so the one she got afterward lived to see another farm. I guess she really loved her horse. Reddit User: gabberrella24
My grandfather left me $1.00. He had dementia and confused my dad ripping him off with me. He left the rest of the family between $100,000 and a few million each. They all said they felt horrible because they knew the details, but not horrible enough to give up any of their share. The way I see it, it was never my money to begin with, so it’s not a loss.
They Were Already Dead
I’m just glad my sister got a hundred thousand. She needed it more than any of the others. Reddit User: [redacted]
I advised on a will where the deceased had left considerable assets to people who were dead when the will was read. Nothing unusual in that, except that they were long dead when the will was made. The lawyer who made the will seems to have had doubts about his mental state, so he sent him to a doctor for tests.
Hand Out the Money
The doctor gave him a fit bill of health and said he was perfectly compos mentis. I never knew why he wanted to leave his stuff to people that were already dead. Reddit User: DominicSherpa
My dad wanted to draft his will to leave his estate to his three sisters, as he was sure they would give my sister and I money as we needed it. His lawyer said, “I’m not going to do that. That’s stupid. Your children are going to contest that, and they will win, and the only difference is several thousand dollars in court fees and lawyer fees if your sisters contest it, which they probably will.”
Left to the Horse
“You can leave it to your wife or your children.” I’m glad the lawyer stood up for us that day! Reddit User: [SanshaXII]
She wanted to leave all her land and stuff to her horse. And so I was like, “Okay, so we can set up an animal trust where the funds will be dedicated to take care of your horse,” and she argued with me. “No, I don’t want someone to take care of the horse, I want everything to be left to the horse.” So I apologized and wrote down what she wanted and let the attorney deal with that.
My Own Will
I wasn’t getting paid enough to deal with whatever nonsense she was trying to communicate there. Reddit User: Isda
I’m a lawyer, and I wrote in my own will that I wish to be cremated, and that my funeral shall take place 3 miles offshore. My ashes are to be placed in a small wooden boat. Members of my funeral party will then compete for a $10,000 prize from my estate by shooting flaming arrows at my remains. Crossbows are prohibited.
Walked Away Without a Cent
Yeah, my own will is by far the weirdest will I’ve ever written. Not sure if anyone will be able to go through with it. Reddit User: dawglaw09
Bank manager here. I had a client with around 300-400k put up in a trust. I was super surprised and remarked how amazing she was when I found out the successors to the trust were the Phoenix Children’s Hospital and the Make A Wish foundation. It wasn’t until she eventually passed away that I learned she had a son.
No One Less Fortunate
It was a super awkward conversation when he came to process her death; we cut out two fat checks to organizations, and he walked away without a cent. Reddit User: e13music
I had an ex-girlfriend whose grandmother had a good sense of humor. She lived in a small, wealthy town where everyone owned huge houses and drove expensive cars. In her will, she laid out how she wanted tea and crumpets served at her funeral and that if there was any money left from that, she wanted it donated to the less fortunate of the town.
Split It 30 Ways
There is no one who is less fortunate in that town; she was basically making fun of the people who live there. Reddit User: KHC_23
Stupidest will I have ever come across: the client wants to split a third of his estate between approximately 30 people. Client dies. Most of said 30 people have now, because of families expanding, become almost 100 people. Do you know how hard it is to locate and serve 100 people to appear in court to accept a very small inheritance? My firm has been trying for 8 years.
All to the Dog
Just make a gift while you’re alive and save your heirs the hassle and legal fees. Reddit User: chocolatewaltz
My friend does filing and paperwork for a law firm back home; she said a VERY wealthy woman wanted to leave a lump sum for her dog where $10k/month would be used to care for him/her until the end of their life. The $10k would go to housing, medical, food, etc. Anything extra would be donated to the animal shelter.
To His Estranged Daughters
She didn’t leave anything for her family. I don’t know how old the dog was, but the woman was still alive. Reddit User: xoxomaxine
I had a multi-millionaire client leave £1 to each of his estranged daughters along with a letter for each one explaining his reasons (you can’t incorporate the contents of a separate letter into a will in the UK, but we added them to the envelope containing the will as ‘personal letters’ per the instructions of the client; we’d just pass them to whoever the executor is for them to pass to the named individuals).
No Funeral
I guess it’s not THAT weird, but I found the letter part very interesting. Way to rub it in with your family. Reddit User: ex0
Not my client, but a colleague told me about a man who felt strongly that he did not want a memorial service or funeral of any kind. His family disagreed with him and thought he was being selfish. The family said he couldn’t stop them; he’d be dead.
Taxidermist
Only, he had the will drafted in such a way that if the family held a memorial or funeral of any kind at his death, his entire estate was to go to charity. Otherwise, if they obeyed his wishes, his estate was to go to his children. Reddit User: sou-motu
I had a very attractive woman with terminal cancer trying to get herself stuffed by a taxidermist and given to some rich guy that had been basically a sugar daddy to her for a few months. She said, “He would give me a million dollar a week allowance as long as it was in an official will that he could see.”
Cremated or Buried
I sent her to a lawyer who I knew that would do just about anything for a buck because I didn’t want to end up in the news when she died. That was 2 years ago; no clue what happened to her. Reddit User: [redacted]
I once had a gentleman come in asking for two wills. Each was to be provided to each side of his maternal and paternal family (he was unmarried, with no children or siblings or parents). The first will said, “My body is to be cremated and under no circumstances is to be buried.” The other will said, “My body is to be buried and under no circumstances is to be cremated.”
Sentimental
Apparently the families hated each other and didn’t talk. That guy was evil for trying to pull that. Reddit User: [kwaka74]
Not a lawyer here; however, I got one. My best friend is in the military. He was required to write a will prior to his deployment. We had a four-man wolf pack at graduation from high school There are three items that he specifically has in the will. My military friend’s pillow is to go to friend 1. A single pack of smokes is to go to friend 2. And a mounted deer head is appointed to me.
If You Argue, You Get Nothing
Each item holds certain sentiment with each of us, respectively, but other people don’t understand. Reddit User: [hunterman55]
My father has it in his will that anyone that contests the will is immediately struck from the will and cannot receive anything from his estate. I find this hilarious, because both of my brothers are greedy and self-centered. I also find it genius, because my waste of space brothers can’t get a bunch of money or his house that I spent two years helping him build.
Gift in Africa
It’s all getting split up fairly, but my brothers are greedy and would definitely contest it to try to get more. Reddit User: Zakai_Dasturder
The deceased was a professor at the local uni, and he wanted to leave a gift to his illegitimate son in some far-flung corner of Africa. The son could only be contacted by leaving a note at a specific trading post just outside the jungle, and it had to be addressed to the chief of some ancient tribe.
It’s Your Mother’s Fault
The chief wasn’t guaranteed to come to the trading post at any particular time either, so it could be months before the message was passed on. Reddit User: plebbitspacing
I used to work in probate, and specifically for a charity processing estate gifts. We often had people who left us everything as an FU to their family. The worst I saw was a guy who was absolutely loaded: ranches with oil, tons of Apple stock, real estate, the works.
Greed/Family Bickering Clause
He had two kids but left everything to charity, and in his trust, he told his kids that it was all their mother’s fault that they were getting nothing and that he needed them to be angry with her so they could understand how much she put him through in the divorce. Reddit User: SheStillMay
Not a lawyer, but my wife is a paralegal at a law firm that specifically deals in wills, trusts, and estates. She couldn’t peg just one story, but she says one thing she sees several times per year is people who leave everything to their cats/dogs. Also, she particularly likes the clauses that will leave family members nothing if they have any kind of objection to the initial will.
Dogs
A greed/family bickering clause, if you will. It seems crazy to me what becomes normal for families to do. Reddit User: hawkssb04
One time, I had clients come to my office to draft an estate plan. They were an older couple who had recently adopted two puppies. They asked me to include a provision in their will that would require the personal representative to euthanize both of the puppies because they didn’t trust anyone else to care for their (very young) dogs.
Don’t Visit
Fortunately, I was able to convince them that this provision would not be enforceable and they shouldn’t include it since their family would think they’re weird. Reddit User: laren301
Not a lawyer, but when my grandmother passed, the only will and testament she left was her desire that no funeral be held, as she didn’t want those who never came and visited while she was alive to be given a chance to visit her when she was dead. Nothing else was in the will: not how she wanted her remains dealt with, not what was to happen with her belongings, nothing.
Throw Her Ashes
I found it both sad but also really clever. In the end, she got exactly what she had always wanted. Reddit User: lividliver
I didn’t write the will, but I had to probate a hand-written will where the testator said that she wanted to be cremated and have her ashes thrown in her ex-husband’s face. Apparently it was a nasty divorce, and she had this idea for a long time. The judge got some laughs out of that one, but obviously we couldn’t assault someone just because it’s in a will.
Mystery Note
There was a lot of good trash-talking about her ex leading up to that. I almost wish it would have been legal. Reddit User: [redacted]
Civil rights lawyer here. I worked on a will for a friend’s extremely wealthy mom who had 5 kids (my friend was one of them) and 4 grandchildren. The wealthy mom had an antique personal library in her house where she had very old hardcover books going back a few centuries. I ended up finding an old page in one of the books she wanted given to her grandchild with a very interesting note on it.
Between the Family
What I read was something I’ll never forget, and I still find it hard to share it with others. It…wasn’t very kind. Reddit User: [redacted]
Not a lawyer, but my friend’s grandma passed away, and she wanted to divide her wealth equally to every single one of her family members. They’re still trying to resolve the will years after she died because, as you might have guessed, “family member” is a very loose term, and people related to her are born and die all the time.
Everyone Had to Agree
People have started backing out of the will because it’s too much trouble for what’s pretty much going to be a couple hundred dollars per person if they ever resolve it. Reddit User: movie_mate
I worked at a bank that administered trusts. One of the trusts was set up so that the children inherited millions of dollars, but if any one of the children (all in their 50s) wanted to withdraw money, all the siblings had to agree. It ended up getting quite petty. At one point, sibling A denied sibling B’s request for money to pay for their disabled child’s medical bills all because sibling B had previously denied a request of some kind.
International Treasure Hunt
We were trying to resign from that account when I was brought it. So I had to deal with that. Reddit User: murderduck42
I’m not a lawyer, but my old professor told us that he has a whole international treasure hunt planned for his children after he passes away. This is included in his will with specific directions. The man loves to travel around the world, and he chose specific locations for his children and grandchildren to visit and claims to have hidden a little token at each of them. Kind of like geocaching, I guess.
$12 Million to a Dog
I thought it was a beautiful idea. I’m thinking about stealing it. I still have to do the traveling, though. Reddit User: [redacted]
One of the craziest wills in my practice: $12m to a canine. In 2004, very rich hotelier Leona Helmsley left directions for her $4bn (£2.5bn) fortune to be spent thinking about mutts, having evidently reevaluated before the draft that left it to poor people instead. Her nine-year-old Maltese, Trouble, got $12m (£8m).
Best Example of Talking Smack
In the will, her grandkids were either removed or requested to visit their dad’s grave every year so as to acquire their offer. Trouble’s legacy was later sliced to simply $2m (£1.2m) by a judge. Reddit User: KoliOneil
“To my wife, I leave her lover and the knowledge that I was never the fool she thought me. To my son, I leave the pleasure of working for a living; for 25 years, he thought the pleasure was all mine.” This was in my Wills & Trusts book in law school as an example of people talking trash in their wills. It’s probably the best diss I’ve ever heard/read.
She Can Farm Too
Extremely well-spoken, underhanded, in the best possible context, all while being seemingly totally appropriate and mature with the ultimate final word. Reddit User: [redacted]
We had a client who was a widowed farmer who owned several pieces of heavy equipment (Caterpillar trucks, etc.). He had two sons who were already working with him at the farm and a daughter who was working in the city. He willed the heavy equipment to the daughter. We later asked why, since these equipment pieces were essential to the farm.
1% to Him, 2% to Her
He said that the farm was to go his kids equally, but his girl needed to know he always wanted her to join their venture and dispel her notions of alienation because she was a girl. Reddit User: nerdychick19
Lawyer here. Not a thing with reading the will, just my favorite: testator (dying guy) wanted to leave bequests to pretty much everybody he had known who was still living, in three countries: 1% to this guy, 2% to that lady. Then he kept changing his mind about one beneficiary or the other, which required the development of a spreadsheet to recalculate all the other bequests whenever he would change that guy’s gift from 1% to 1.5%.
I’m just glad he didn’t say, “Give five-eighths of my spoons to cousin Jane.” It got pretty messy. Reddit User: duckshoe2