Bad Representation
People get caught breaking the law all the time. In some cases, they don’t even have to break the law in a major way; a simple violation will suffice. Regardless of the situation, they’ll find themselves in court, having to defend their actions. But a lot of people aren’t truthful. In fact, lawyers have shared a bunch of stories for you today that you won’t believe.
Over their years of work, attorneys have come face to face with the worst defenses known to man: everything from people who accidentally admitted their crimes while trying to lie to those who have blamed their clothing for their wrongdoings. There’s even a case where people blamed the 4th of July for them being “free” to commit a crime. If you’d like to take a look at these wacky defenses, keep reading.
I was the bailiff on a kidnapping case where the defendant was Pro-Per (acting as his own attorney). During the jury selection, he had the option to wear civilian clothing instead of his jail clothes, but he chose to remain in his jail attire, complete with handcuffs and waist restraints. It came time for him to cross-examine the victim….
Talking Back to the Judge
Understandably, the man he had kidnapped was very upset before he even started. He was furious and refused to look at his kidnapper. The defendant’s first question went like this: “You seem upset. Does it make you nervous to be questioned by the person that kidnapped you?” You could hear a pin drop in that courtroom. He was found guilty (obviously) and sentenced to 16 years in prison. Reddit user: Mac1822
A guy was in court for a DUI, and he insisted on taking the stand when his lawyer advised him not to. So it turned out, he wanted the judge to know that the cop who arrested him was “just some rude kid trying to be a bigshot” and that he wasn’t even tipsy since he’d only had two bottles of wine with dinner. His lawyer interrupted him to try to get him to stop talking, and he told his lawyer to shut up….
But Not in Possession…
Then the judge advised him to listen to his lawyer. But he told the judge, “I’m not a child, don’t interrupt me.” The judge just smiled, sat back, and said, “Please, proceed.” We all knew it was over for this guy. He got maxed on the charge and was advised that in the future, if he was going to pay for a lawyer, he should listen to him. Reddit user: McFeely_Smackup
As a public defender, you’re thrown into a lot of bad cases with little hope of winning and with very little time to win them. My approach was to make any argument within the ethical rules that govern attorneys. Which led me to a hilarious court appearance. My client was charged with possession of a certain green substance; it’s a misdemeanor first offense that carries no jail time in my state….
Not a Solicitor
My client and his friend are smoking in a park, some citizen reports it to the police, and the cops come and find them in their car after smoking. My client admits to the cop that he was smoking. Obviously, I’m thinking he’s got no defense here. The 0ther guy admits to smoking and gives the police the paraphernalia from his backpack. The entirety of the evidence was the admission and the physical evidence….
So, I argue at trial (bench trial, no jury), with zero expectation of winning, that the state failed to prove my client ever possessed it. “Your honor, for all we know, the other guy at all times had possession of the items. For all we know, he held the pipe to my client’s lips and lit it for him.” A discussion among myself, the judge, and the prosecutor ensues re: can you smoke and not be in possession? I got the decision a few months later: not guilty. Reddit user: PapitoDestino
I knew a guy that was charged with soliciting. I won’t get into the morality of pimping, because that’s another subject entirely, but they caught him watching over one of his “girls” in a car, and the officer brought him in. He tried to put up a fight and act like he didn’t know who the woman was, but she ratted him out….
Too Close for Comfort
When he got to court, his defense was that he wasn’t a pimp. He was sincere that that was not his occupation, but rather, he was a rapper and a dealer. Everyone was stunned. Like, why on earth would you admit to being a dealer right in front of the judge? They threw the book at him with like 20-26 years. Reddit user: [redacted]
I gave testimony as a health professional in a child custody case. The mother wanted to revoke the father’s joint physical custody of the eight-year old girl. The issue was that the girl was asked to clip the father’s toenails, apply lotion, and clean his belly button jam, among other things. Not only was it gross, but she was eight freaking years old….
Well, It’s Not Legal
The father’s case was that he was obese, fatigued, suffering from frequent diarrhea, and taxed to take care of his own hygiene without assistance. According to him, it was acceptable for her to do this. He also argued that it taught her a lesson about compassion and caring for those unable to do so themselves and helped them to bond. Truly incredible. Reddit user: Voc1Vic2
Recently, there was a court case over whether certain companies in Colorado had to pay overtime. Federal law says yes, you have to pay hourly employees overtime, but the companies didn’t want to. In fact, the lawyers for the company argued that since their products were federally illegal, federal overtime laws didn’t apply. No one could believe their audacity, and no one knew what would happen….
Keeping It Up
The company’s attorneys then moved to dismiss the case on the grounds that a federal court had no jurisdiction to hear the case “because Colorado’s recreational industry is in violation of the Controlled Substances Act.” “I’m already breaking one law, so the rest of them don’t apply” is the hottest legal take I’ve heard in a while. They didn’t win. Reddit user: persondude27
I once attended a domestic case where a man was accused of grossly neglecting his wife and her, umm, needs. For one, the couple was in their late 70s or early 80s and had been married since they were in their twenties. They were both retired and had several grandkids. According to the husband, they were trying to take things slow, but the wife wasn’t having it….
Get to Court Early…
When he was asked if he did indeed neglect his wife, the husband started complaining that he was “old as heck” and surely she couldn’t expect him to be able to keep this kind of lifestyle up for much longer. She was frustrated and decided to bring him to court to see if a judge could help. It was the most hilarious thing I’d ever seen. Reddit user: [redacted]
I once sat in a courtroom where this man tried to use one of our country’s greatest holidays to excuse his vices. He stood there in front of the judge and said, “It was Independence Day, your honor. A day to celebrate the freedoms that our forefathers fought and died for. A day to celebrate what this country is. So yes, judge, I DID do some not-so-legal substances. For freedom….”
I Had an Emergency
This was in a drug treatment court. The judge chuckled and just said don’t be stupid. The kicker is that all the defendants were in one room, waiting to go one after the other. And so, the next five defendants tried the same thing, and the judge threw the book progressively harder. The key here is: get to court early so your BS excuse is first. Reddit user: ShutrukNahhunte
I took a guy to small claims court. Basically, I bought something from a man who said he had a processor that I really wanted. He seemed reliable, but he ended up taking my money and never shipping the item to me, even though I warned him that I would take him to court if he didn’t. And that’s how we ended up here….
Yours or the Thief’s?
His defense was, “I didn’t have the product, so I couldn’t ship it to him, obviously.” The judge was like, “But you took his money?” The guy said, “Yeah, so I could buy the product and ship it to him.” So then the judge asked, “Did you do that?” To which the guy responded, “Not yet.” Then the judge asked him whether he had my money. The man had the nerve to say, “No, I had had an emergency and had to spend it.” That was that; I won. Reddit user: Looter629
I was on a jury some years ago in a case where a man stole a woman’s vehicle. It turns out that he had been doing this for a while now and had only been caught because the woman was able to properly ID him. During the jury selection phase, the defense attorney offered a hypothetical as a preface to one of his screening questions….
“Old” DUIs
“It’s winter, and you go outside and start your car to warm it up. You go back inside for a few minutes. When you go back out to get in your car, you see that it’s been stolen. You left your car unattended and running. Whose fault is it that your car was stolen: yours or the thief’s?” Reddit user: Col_hessenfeffer
I overheard this guy tell the officer that yes, his CAR license was suspended but his (I don’t remember the correct terminology) driving truck one wasn’t, and neither was his mo-ped license. Three people and the judge tried to explain that a suspended license means he’d lost his privilege to drive in general and altogether. At least until he made his wrongdoing right….
But What If…
He kept fighting it and saying he wasn’t fixing anything because he was now driving a mo-ped, which, according to him, wasn’t a “real vehicle,” and that license was still okay. He also came out and said that the only reason his license was suspended in the first place was because of several “old” DUIs. Can you believe that? Reddit user: shesdressedtokill
This wasn’t legit court, just court to change my last name. I was 14 years old and wanted to change my last name to my (amazing) stepdad’s. My biological father, who was not then (or ever) in my life and had never done anything for me, had to be present for the appointment and sign off on it. It went something like this:
I Couldn’t Lose Another Job
Judge: “Ok, if everyone will sign here, your name will be changed.” Bio-dad: “I’m not signing it.” Judge: “Why not?” Bio-dad: “What if she gets pregnant out of wedlock? I want the baby to have my last name.” Reminder that I was 14 years old, had never even kissed a boy, and hadn’t spoken to my dad in at least five years. The judge told him that was an irrelevant point and convinced him to sign the paper. I was glad to leave that part of my life behind me that day. Reddit user: r311im507
I was in court for a traffic violation in the state of Florida. I was sitting with a room full of people who were also contesting their tickets. There was a lady who looked like she was a waitress who got up to make her case in front of the judge. She point-blank told the judge in front of the officer who ticketed her that her violation was “nonsense from a know-it-all cop….”
My Girlfriends Need Me More
The judge then questioned the officer. “Your honor, the defendant’s car was going 75 on a 35-limit road and ran several stoplights.” The judge asked why those charges were unreasonable. Her answer was parody-level. “I was drinking last night and woke up late. I couldn’t lose another job, so I needed to be on time.” She ended up paying $500 for wasting the judge’s time in addition to her tickets. Reddit user: GunSlinger_A138
We had a guy in court when I worked in CPS who neglected his children all the time. In court, he asked the judge if he could explain why he was leaving his kids alone for so long and why he refused to allow them to see their mom (who was a great parent, by the way). The judge was like, “Whatever, go for it.” I was expecting him to give some sad story about how hard life is for him, but that’s not what he did….
But I Do It All the Time
He proceeded to tell everyone that he had three girlfriends (all three of them knew about each other) who needed him more than his kids, then there was the matter of the parties he simply had to go to every night. The entire courtroom was like, “Holy crap dude….” And that’s how I got quite possibly the easiest child removal to date (they went to the mom). Reddit user: Hyperion999999
I was in traffic court, and the first guy to go before the judge got pulled over doing some crazy speed, like 140 mph. The judge essentially told the guy to say he wouldn’t ever do it again and that it was a mistake, and in return, the judge would drop the ticket fee and the points on his record. Which was a pretty sweet deal if you ask me….
A Change of Tune
The guy countered with, “Well, I drive that fast all the time, so I’m really good at it, and I don’t think it was dangerous at all because of how good of a driver I am.” I sat there stunned. The guy could’ve walked out totally free, but instead got a $2500 fine and 2 points on his record for his cheek. Reddit user: [redacted]
I saw this go down while waiting for my traffic ticket. The judge said, “So, you were seen pulling a stop sign out of the ground and throwing it in the river.” To which the accused replied, “Yes, sir.” So, the judge asked him whether he was drinking, to which he replied, “No, sir.” But then the judge said, “The ticket says you were intoxicated.” At which point the accused denied that claim….
No Proof
The judge said, “OK, let’s say I believe you. I will throw out this drunken disorderly charge, but I will have to charge you with the destruction of government property and endangering the public. That comes with at least a year in jail. So, I’ll ask one more time. Were you drunk?” The accused, at this point, did not even hesitate and replied with, “Yes, sir. Very drunk, sir.” Reddit user: Ebice42
I was a juror for a case against a woman that was charged with selling stolen designer accessories to a pawnbroker (this was her third offense). She took the stand and admitted to “finding” the items at a friend’s house and taking them to the pawnbroker. Her attorney’s entire closing argument was that the state failed to prove that she had actually stolen them and the charges should be dropped….
It’s Not Criminal, It’s Civil
Never mind the fact that she admitted it and that the woman who owned the stuff had everything right there in front of us. The defense said that because no one had placed items in the handbags, there was no proof that they were really bags. And of course, as soon as we got back to the room to deliberate, one of the other jurors said he was not convinced it was a real handbag. Reddit user: Redfish1971
I saw a guy on trial once for (I don’t know the exact legal term) failing to comply with a court ruling. So basically, the guy went to civil court and lost and was told to do something: I think pay a fine to the defendant. He didn’t do it and was brought to criminal court and chose to represent himself….
I’m Not Insane
He rather smugly pointed out to the judge that the fine he failed to pay was a civil matter and “why are we even in a criminal court?” The judge calmly explained to him that the original matter may have been civil, but that that matter was already settled, and failure to comply with a court ruling was a criminal matter, and that’s why we’re here today….
His entire defense seemed to be reliant on that one argument, and when it failed, he had nothing to fall back on and asked for a public defender. He ended up losing anyway. Reddit user: NotThatJaredBlack
I had an old friend who was an “official” in rural Southeasternville. The judge goes, “It says here, Mr. Alleged Criminal, that you intend to enter a plea of insanity. Is that correct?” The accused, with the biggest smile ever on his face, responds, “Yes, your honor.” So the judge asks him, “And do you, Mr. Alleged Criminal, believe that you are insane?”
She Had No Idea
The accused, still with the smile, says, “No, your honor, but he does” as he nonchalantly points at the empty chair to his left. Everyone just stares at the chair for a good ten seconds before the case continues. It’s really kind of hard to argue with that…logic. It might have been the worst-best defense I’ve ever seen. It didn’t work. Reddit user: ThrowbobAwaypants
The defendant was charged with possession after paraphernalia was found in her car. An element of that crime is that the defendant knew that they were in possession. At the preliminary, her attorney had her take the stand, and she testified that she had a terrible love-hate relationship with the substance and had been to rehab a bunch of times with no success….
To Get My Heart Medicine
During his closing, the attorney argued that his client was such a failure when it came to staying clean that she couldn’t have possibly known she was in possession, otherwise she would have used it all, and the police would have never found it. I was completely stunned. This novel argument, while probably true, failed to win the day. Reddit user: OttoGershwitz
This happened in traffic court one time. An elderly gentleman was pulled over by the police for not wearing his seatbelt and swerving erratically. He told the judge that he needed to remove his seatbelt so he could reach his heart medicine because he was having chest pains at the time. Considering his age, it was very understandable and not an all unlikely….
Going Down in Flames
But the judge looked at him like he had three heads and asked (roughly), “So you thought you were having a heart attack, and instead of pulling off the road, you removed your seatbelt so you could fumble through your glovebox trying to find your medicine?” He remained speechless for a full minute, and it was very clear that he was lying. Reddit user: davedank
This is not the exact wording, but this is what happened in court roughly 5 years ago. The judge asked, “Did you drive through a red signal?” To which the defendant said she “technically didn’t.” The judge then asked her to explain. She said, “I think it was yellow when I drove through it.” The judge, a bit taken aback, said, “So you’re saying it wasn’t a red light when you drove through the intersection?”
A Myriad of Excuses
The defendant, apparently tired of the questioning, said, “Screw this; it wasn’t me driving at the time, but my boyfriend would have had his license suspended for one more infraction, so I took the fall.” The judge said, “You understand that admitting to falsely claiming responsibility for this has a heavier penalty than the actual infraction?” To which the defendant said, “Ok, I was the one driving….”
The judge then announced, “Let the court note that the defendant has given inconsistent testimony, and we’re postponing this case for further investigation.” Basically, she screwed herself and probably the boyfriend with the flip-flopping. Reddit user: f00dMonsta
I remember going with my mom to court for some petty traffic ticket she had incurred when she was feeling particularly speedy. It was a mass of people all waiting to talk to the judge about their tickets, and halfway in, one lady walks up for a ticket for not stopping at a red light. I think she was one of about 10 who had that exact offense….
The Pillow Fight
She first said that the light was yellow, then said okay it was red, then said the law doesn’t apply because she was on a bike, not a car. The judge laughed, and some of the other people in there (including my mom) laughed under their breath. She left with a bright red face, and she had to pay the ticket in full. Reddit user: trinitystars
I went to court with a friend of mine against her ex-husband who almost knocked her out with a pillow. His defense was, “I didn’t use that pillow that she brought, I used this one” as he presented a soft, fluffy one in contrast to her foam pillow. It was crazy that they were in there to begin with and that this was an actual case, but it was….
Hunting Tales
The judge refused to allow the charge to go forward for indictment and threw out her restraining order against him that day too. She could only appeal the restraining order being dropped, not the charge. It was weird and unfortunate all at the same time. On the bright side, she got the restraining order back on, and they stayed away from each other. Reddit user: Cursethewind
I’ve seen many crazy things pass through a courtroom, but there are two that I can think of, and both of them were hunting cases. Once, a guy shot a horse out from under another man who was riding it. He told the judge he thought it was a moose. The judge asked why he was shooting a moose when he had a deer license. He lost the case….
We Didn’t Do It
Story two: in Montana, a poor one-armed guy’s truck broke down, and he was walking. He stopped to rest on a tree stump and light up a cigarette. A hunter shot off his other arm in the process and told the judge he thought it was a bear. The judge asked him how many times he had seen bears smoking and sitting on a stump. He lost his case too. Reddit user: zephyer19
I was in court for a speeding ticket and witnessed two brothers who had been ordered to appear and pass a drug test. They had over 30 days to be clean. They knew this the whole time. They tested positive. The judge looked at them and asked, “What am I supposed to do for you here? You had a chance to go free if you could pass one test and you failed….”
Wrong House!
They tried to claim that they hadn’t smoked and were just around roommates that smoke a lot. Anyhow, the judge basically said, “That’s not possible, but knowing you had 30 days to be clean for this test, you shouldn’t have been near people who were smoking anyway.” They went to jail for two days for “direct contempt of court.” Reddit user: ironman288
One time, I heard the funniest story about a guy who was on breaking and entering charges that got caught red-handed by police. The officers caught wind of his activity and stood behind him, watching him trying to break through a door of a factory with the typical breaking and entering tool kit (screwdriver, hammer, etc.) in the middle of the night….
A Hypnotic State
Well, they tapped him on the shoulder, and he nearly had a heart attack. They arrested him, and he landed in court. His defense was that he was a handyman that went to the wrong address. The judge even said to him, “Do you expect anyone with half a brain to believe that rubbish? You need to stop stealing and get your life together.” Reddit user: [redacted]
A college friend of mine was in San Francisco with his girlfriend on vacation for a weekend. They went to hang out on the beach at night as sort of a romantic date. It turned out that there were men there looking for trouble, and they ended up hurting my friend and his girlfriend. They walked away with a few scratches….
12 Chickens
But they were all caught: four of them. When they appeared before the judge, their excuse was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. Their defense in court was that Coolio’s song “Gangsta’s Paradise” had driven them into a hypnotic state, causing their judgment to be impaired. And that’s why they tried to rob and hurt my friends. They did NOT win. Reddit user: abeuscher
This didn’t happen in a court but in the back of a police car. It’s not quite a defense, but a defense he didn’t really want to use. A guy I worked with told me this tale. A lifelong petty criminal was once arrested on a Saturday morning for burgling the news agents the previous evening. He hadn’t done it, but he knew he was in a pickle….
I Didn’t See the Truck
His record was long as your arm, and he had an alibi he couldn’t use; at the time, he was burgling the butcher’s. As the police drove him to the station, his mind was racing with the possibility that he was going down again. At that very moment, the car was passing the butcher’s, and a policeman said, “And you nicked 16 chickens out of there too.” With lightning reflexes, he blurted out, “No it wasn’t. It was 12.” Oh no! Nicked! Guilty! He went down for six months. Reddit user: Chaoscollective
I got rear-ended by a lady with a baby on a rainy night. I stopped at a green light because there was a fire truck coming through the intersection with all its lights and sirens going. My guess was that she was looking at the baby in addition to following too close for the conditions. She decided to contest the ticket, so we had to go to court…..
Dogs and Fermentation
Her excuse was that she didn’t see the fire truck until after she hit me, therefore I should not have stopped for it. The judge was so angry at all the no-shows that basically anyone who actually showed up got off, so she got out of the ticket. I still can’t believe that excuse worked, and it was probably 20 years ago at this point. Reddit user: yazoosirius
This isn’t my story, but my favorite that I heard in the past. Some lady who was already on probation for DUI got pulled over driving under the influence, again. Her defense didn’t argue the blood alcohol levels, which were recorded, but instead argued that she hadn’t drunk; she was diabetic and had an open cut on her forearm, which her dog licked while riding shotgun….
For Apple Pie
They said that the yeast in the dog’s saliva began to ferment the sugar in her bloodstream, which registered as alcohol. I can’t decide if that defense is so utterly bad that she deserves an extra penalty or whether it’s so original that maybe she should take a lighter charge. Blows my mind every time I think about it. Reddit user: -domi-
One time, I was waiting my turn in small claims court, and the guy ahead of me was a mechanic who was being sued by three different customers because he wouldn’t give them their cars back. Yes, he kept the vehicles that the people had brought to him to fix. If that wasn’t mind-blowing enough, then his defense will have you on the floor….
Boxed in by a Gang
The first was a lady in her mid-20s; she explained that she had already paid for the repairs, but he still had her car locked up. The judge asked him, “She paid you, why do you still have her car?” and that mechanic looked him square in the eye and said, “Our arrangement was that I would fix her car in exchange for her apple pie!” Reddit user: MeesterPoot
I once sat in on the trial of two guys accused of pickpocketing on the London Underground, the train system of the capital. They tried to rob someone who was just as street smart as they were and had not only both gotten black eyes, but also caught by the police after they were hogtied right there at the train station….
Here and Here
Their defense was that they could not have gotten close enough to the victims to pick their pockets, because they had been boxed in against the doors of the train by a gang of midgets. A gang of midgets. About five minutes later, they’d both been convicted, and their respective extensive criminal records were being read out to the court for sentencing purposes. Reddit user: cicisbeette
This was a story from a relative who used to be a police constable. There was a guy suing someone else after a traffic accident and claimed that the movement of his arm was permanently reduced because of the way he was hit. The judge didn’t believe him for one bit; nobody did really, and so the judge asked him how high he could lift his arm….
Where There’s Smoke…
He ‘grimaced’ as he painstakingly raised his arm before saying, “Here”; for reference, the same height as his shoulder. The judge gave a slight smirk and asked him how high he could lift his arm before. The guy lifted his arm all the way up and exclaimed, “Here!” The case got thrown out, as you can imagine. Reddit user: Pesoot3
My dad and stepmom were married for about ten years before things came to a screeching halt and they decided to end things. During their divorce, my stepmom (who never adopted me; my mom died) was trying to get partial custody with my dad. The judge said I was 15, so it was up to me how much contact I had with her….
So, It’s a Commune
She complained that I never rode in her car anymore because dad was brainwashing me against her. My dad reminded her that she had started smoking since the divorce started and I couldn’t breathe in her car. She announced to the judge that she only started smoking because she hoped it would get my dad to start again and she could prove he was an addict. The judge gave him full custody. Reddit user: girlybandgeek
My ex-wife petitioned the court to allow her to move several states away with our two children to live in a hippie commune. Some gems from my cross-examination of her and her girlfriend include: Me: “So you’ve never actually met these people in person and don’t have a guaranteed spot in their community. What happens if you get there and they deny you?”
I Gotta Go!
Girlfriend: “We will come back.” Me: “But you just said you only have enough money saved to get there. How will you get back?” Girlfriend: “We will figure it out.” The judge then calls the kids’ mom, my ex, as a witness. “I assume you have some questions prepared for your witness’s testimony?” My ex: “No, but he (nods toward me) probably does….”
Me: “So, is this a commune? I have concerns about my kids living in a commune.” My ex: “No, it’s not a commune. It’s a self-sustaining, off-grid, communal living group.” Me: “So…a commune?” The judge visibly stifled her laughter. Reddit user: Braynedehd
I’ve been known to get into minor problems with the law. Meaning parking and speeding tickets; nothing crazy that could land me in federal with the hardcore guys. Once, I told the judge I had diarrhea, trying to get out of one of my speeding tickets. The officer testified that I did, in fact, tell him this when he pulled me over….
My Jacket Did It
But the officer also said that as soon as he went back to his car, he could visibly see me stop acting (rocking back and forth like I had to GO really bad!) from his car. Everyone in the court laughed at me. I got the ticket. I know. I’m an idiot. To be fair, I was 16. Reddit user: [redacted]
A ding dong friend of mine from high school ended up on Judge Judy a couple of years after I graduated (I’m not sure he graduated; in fact, I’m pretty positive he didn’t). All he said about it is that Judge Judy called him a loser. I never saw the episode until years later when I was flipping channels and stopped on the right channel by complete chance….
Breaking the Law by Not Breaking the Law
He was there because he was being sued for his neighbor’s broken window after a party at his house; he was swinging his leather jacket around and a button or zipper broke it. His defense was, “I didn’t break it.” Judy: “If you didn’t break it, who did?” Friend: “My jacket broke it.” She said, “Mr. (last name), you ahh a looosaaahh!!!” and ruled for the plaintiff in the amount of the window repairs. Reddit user: kirksucks
Not so much a defense for the accused as it was a witness (police officer) defending why he pulled over a driver. This was at a local magistrate court, where they handle things like traffic tickets and minor criminal cases. The guy was charged with having some obscenely small amount of a substance that was, however, not legal in the jurisdiction….
A Funny Cross-Examination
The officer is asked why he pulled over the driver. And the cop says the driver was ‘suspicious.’ The defendant, acting as his own counsel, asks how/what he was doing that was suspicious. The officer responds that the driver was on a secluded roadway at 2 am and was not speeding. The defendant basically says, “So, your basis of having probable cause that I am breaking the law is the very fact that I am not breaking the law?”
The officer responds, “Yes. Everyone else out on that road at that time of night is speeding. The fact you weren’t was suspicious.” You gotta love small-town cops tasked with generating revenue. Luckily, the judge wasn’t having any of it. He dismissed the case and publicly chastised the cop. Reddit user: RasputinsAssassins
I was in court waiting to mention my case, and there was a very short contest underway. The police came across two men on the street fighting with each other and wrestling on the ground. Police separated the two males and began to search them. They got the first male to unzip his coat, and they found a small bag of green stuff in his inside pocket. He was charged with possession but decided to fight it….
His defense? The other guy must have slipped the stuff into his inside pocket while they were wrestling on the ground. I’ll never forget the solicitor cross-examining the police officer and genuinely asking him, “Apart from the fact that the stuff was in his pocket, what other evidence do you have that he was in possession?” He still lost. Reddit user: DropkickMorgan