Worst Halloween Ever
Everybody has surely done a few things they regret, and it’s easy to look back on our past shenanigans with shame. But when you’re having a particularly bad day, just remember that you never got arrested for tossing chickens or kicking over porta-potties. Probably. We’re just making an assumption here.
Yes, other people did do those things. The fine people of the internet took time to share the funniest things they’ve seen people get arrested for, and they’ll definitely make you laugh, cry, and maybe lose a bit of faith in humanity. People can’t really be this clueless in the face of the law, right?
Getting in trouble with the law is no joke, except for when it is! From Halloween fails to stolen stop signs and ridiculous fights, these humorous arrests will make you feel all sorts of ways.ball
The Not-So-Great Escape
Had a friend a while ago who went to a Halloween party dressed as Lt. Dangle from Reno 911. He and another guy wound up getting DUIs and spending the night in jail. DUIs are not funny in the slightest. But watching this dude do the walk of shame out of a precinct dressed as Lt. Dangle was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
The irony of a guy dressed as Lt. Dangle walking out of jail? I would have paid to see that any day. Reddit user: perceptions89
Fight at the Porta-Potties
During spring break in Panama City Beach, FL, my friend got so drunk he decided to direct traffic in the middle of an intersection. As the cop was reaching for his handcuffs to arrest him, my friend broke away. He avoided the cops for about ten minutes by burying himself in the sand underneath a pier.
The officers happened to be on the pier when my friend’s cell phone went off. He had to spend the night in jail. Reddit user: [redacted]
Identity Crisis
I have a friend who used to drink a lot and get into all sorts of drunken shenanigans. Once, at a college football game, someone cut in line ahead of him at the porta-potties. He got angry and pushed over the porta-potty with the dude in it. A fight ensued. Pro tip: if you ever find yourself in a situation where you want to push over a porta-potty with someone in it, push it over onto the door.
Otherwise you’ll quickly find yourself dealing with a very angry, dirty individual. He nearly got expelled, but it all worked out. Anyway, he’s a doctor now. Reddit user: PMMeUrHopesNDreams
I’m Not Leaving
Stick with me here. A friend of mine in college had a fake ID and was arrested for public intoxication. He didn’t remember anything, and upon his release, we asked if they also charged him with a minor in possession of alcohol through consumption. He didn’t know, so we asked to see his citation.
Turns out, when he got arrested, he showed the police his fake ID rather than his real one. So whoever the ID belongs to, you have a public intoxication charge in Lancaster county in Nebraska as of 10 years ago! Reddit user: mad_maxi_
Stop Right There
My SIL was arrested for trespassing. The stupid part was that she hadn’t done anything wrong; her idiot friend was the one who started a fight, and the hotel they were staying in requested they leave. SIL said, “I’m not leaving, go ahead and arrest me.” Cops said, “Don’t be dumb, we just want you to leave.” They even waived the room fee.
“Nope, arrest me.” So they did. Her dumb friend left of his own accord. $500 bail later, they dropped the charges. Reddit user: zerbey
The Chicken Started It
While on a visit home, my older brother was helping a friend move and was loading a clearly stolen stop sign in the back of their pick-up truck. A cop pulled up and asked where they got it from, and my brother told him to “mind his own business, pig.”
My brother was promptly arrested and cried hysterically until my dad bailed him out. He then took off out of the state, most likely skipping out on fines and a court date.He will not visit our home state anymore. Reddit user: barbobaggins
Cop Out
When I was a kid, my mom’s friend was arrested once because she threw a piece of fried chicken at her husband. Her husband came home after drinking one night and saw her eating fried chicken. He asked, “Where is my fried chicken?!” To which she replied with a drumstick to the face.
He called the cops, and my mom had to go pick her friend up from jail and kept joking that she was charged with assault with a deadly chicken. Reddit user: michonne_impossible
Well, That Escalated Quickly
A drunk guy at a gas station I worked nights at walked up to a cop who was wearing a light vest and asked him really odd questions like, “Does that stop a nine? How about an AK?” before poking him in the vest. Cop was super chill and told him not to do that again if he was smart.
Drunky tried to grab his taser when he turned around, and the cop literally put him in a hammer lock and smashed him face-first on the ground. Of all the reasons you could have; why? Reddit user: [redacted]
Gotta Go
A friend got separated from his other friends on his birthday. He got too drunk to answer his phone/call for his friends, but he eventually managed to flag a taxi. He was aggressive to the taxi driver and didn’t know/remember where his friends lived, so the taxi driver just drove him to the cop shop (jail).
He was not in trouble, and they were just going to throw him in a cell and let him sleep it off. Instead, he yelled some racial slurs, punched the cabbie, and tried to tackle the cop. Assault. Fines. Real jail time. Reddit user: bumpedcar
Dude, Where’s Your Car?
One time, we were in traffic, and my friend needed badly to pee. I dared him to run about a hundred yards in front of us and pee facing traffic. The madman did it, but there was a cop not too far away, and he saw.
Got arrested for indecent exposure but nothing too serious. The cops were cool about it at the station and let him go with a warning. This was in California. Reddit user: cali_pineapple
Blame It on the Birds
Didn’t get arrested, but I know someone who forgot where their car was parked and then reported it stolen. A while passes, she finds the car, doesn’t report the non-stolen car, drives to another state, and gets apprehended. She had to explain that the car was in fact hers and she was the actual person who reported it stolen in the first place.
Everybody forgets where their car is parked sometimes, but this was some next-level nonsense. Reddit user: [redacted]
Rodeo Rage
A couple friends of mine climbed up a microwave tower in the middle of town. They never would have been caught, but when they got to the top, they startled the big flock of pigeons that roost there. When the birds took off, they got my friends very dirty. They started shrieking and woke up the security guard in the building next door.
When I went to post their bail the next morning, they still had the droppings in their hair and on their clothes. Reddit user: DentedAnvil
Sir, No Sir
Apparently my dad was on probation. He got drunk at a rodeo one time and was being mean to the cows. The judge was sick of seeing him and sent him to prison for two years. This was before I was born. He taught himself to read while he was there.
It was a wild ride from start to finish, but hey, I guess at least he got something out of it in the end. Reddit user: catarts99
The Wrong Kind of Pizza Tossing
My dad had to do military service back in Argentina when he was younger, and a captain who really hated him said, “I’m going to pick a random person to clean all of the bathrooms with this brick!” as he held a brick in the air. Of course, he picked my dad. My dad said no.
He ended up arrested at the military camp for a few months. Was it worth it? Probably not really. Reddit user: Duntae
Drive Thru Fail
Someone in my family got arrested for hurling a hot pizza in his girlfriend’s face. It made the Jimmy Kimmel show. It’s on YouTube. When he denied doing it, they looked around the house and sure enough, perfectly good wasted pizza remnants were all over, and his girlfriend had burns and pizza all over her face.
If you are wondering if this family member is an big old clown, yes. Yes he is. We’re not proud. Reddit user: dubmcswaggins
Making It Rain…Or Not
My sister-in-law was working the Taco Bell drive-thru. During a late Friday night shift, a drunk driver tries to use the drive thru and side-swipes Taco Bell, badly tearing up his car. He’s so out of it that at first he doesn’t notice. My SIL points out what happened from the window, and he gets super angry. He calls the cops himself!
The cops show up, and my SIL waits inside. A half hour later, one of the cops comes in and tells the Taco Bell crew that the drunk insisted that they had driven their building into his car! He was arrested. Reddit user: Superb0wl66
One Awful Breakup
I saw this one once. Some guy was collecting rainwater in barrels, and he tried on way too many occasions to fill out the paperwork and get certifications, but the state said there was none, and even though he kept pushing, the state was adamant that they did not have paperwork for it.
He was later arrested and jailed for collecting rainwater without the proper paperwork. Reddit user: TheAbominableBanana
Wanted to Have His Cake and Eat It Too
I have a crazy ex who accused me of cheating while at work. I bartended, and she was sure I was sleeping with girls in the bathroom. In a drunken stupor one night, she bit herself and slammed herself against the door jamb, then proceeded to call the cops and tell them I hit her.
They questioned me on the couch and her in the kitchen. She kept screaming I was a liar. She finally couldn’t control herself and threw a plate at me. It hit the cop questioning me. She went to jail. Reddit user: Fuglybutter
Swimming Tickets Are Real
A guy I went to high school with went to jail for breaking into a Little Debbie’s snack cake delivery truck. He took a bunch of the stuff. Got caught and went to jail. How would you like to have the guys in jail with you know the reason you’re there?
Are these Little Debbie cakes good? Yes. Good enough to go to jail over? Probably not. Defintely not. Reddit user: guisada
Just a Couple of Truckers
I got hit with criminal trespassing for swimming in a private lake. Didn’t pay the ticket (I was a dumb 18-year-old girl). Got pulled over while delivering pizza a few weeks later and had a warrant for failure to pay the ticket. Got thrown in county jail for a few hours till a friend bailed me out.
Really thankful that I had some great friends or I would have been stuck in jail for a really dumb reason. Reddit user: drive_far_away11
Cheese Thief
My friend was drunk one night as we were leaving to go to a party, so we drove his truck and parked it and went inside. A few minutes later, our inebriated friend asks, “Where is my truck, I need to get something out of it.” We tell him, he leaves, then about 10 minutes later we start wondering where he went.
We go outside to see him in handcuffs, surrounded by police. Apparently he had gotten into the wrong truck (no idea, I guess it was unlocked) and started rummaging around in it. The owner sees this, pulls him out, and beats him up. Friend is so drunk that he thinks the guy is trying to steal his truck, so he fights back.
That is when the truck owner decides to call the police. Dude was stupid to begin with, though, so whatever. Reddit user: devfork
From the Ball Pit to the Big House
You know how some big grocery stores have huge wheels of cheese on display? They’re expensive, luxury goods. One dude tried to walk out of a store with a three foot diameter cheese wheel under his coat. Come back here with that! That’s NACHO cheese, man. It was hilarious to watch.
But seriously, why did he ever think this would work? How many people have you met who are three feet wide? Reddit user: The_Schadenfreudude
Lack of Southern Hospitality
Not me but my sister in high school. Her and some of her friends decided to jump the fence of a McDonald’s playground (they used to be outside) and play on it for a while. It was around midnight when my parents got the call; they were arrested for criminal mischief.
I guess there were a lot of other things she could have been arrested for. Sneaking into the ball pit of McDonald’s? Not the worst. Reddit user: [redacted]
Do-Nut Search My Car!
Ex-boyfriend. He got pulled over for speeding in Georgia, but this isn’t what caused him to spend the night in jail; it was his response to what the deputy said. Deputy: “I ain’t never seen anyone burn through here as fast as you were going.” My ex replied, “Sherman did.”
He was talking about William Sherman of the Union army. Almost 150 years after the Civil War, and they are still salty. Reddit user: naranghim
The Fake Kidnapping
My cousin’s ex husband robbed a Dunkin’ Donuts with a knife, and when the cops searched his car after catching him, they found a bunch of illegal substances. Sometimes I feel like the family screw up, but then I remind myself that at least I didn’t marry a guy who proceeded to rob a Dunkin’ Donuts and got caught a little after.
He committed two crimes at once and walked away without any money or donuts. Fail. Reddit user: notthatplatypus
I Must Own the Cone!
A friend’s high school boyfriend was arrested for staging a fake kidnapping of a friend as he got off the bus. They thought it would be fun to film, and everyone directly involved knew what was happening. The bus driver, however, didn’t know and assumed he’d just witnessed a real kidnapping.
He called the cops. After it became clear that no one was actually kidnapped, they were charged with a bunch of other things, primarily for wasting police resources. Reddit user: pinkbunnnnnies
Nah, No Ticket for Me
A friend of mine got arrested for stealing a traffic cone. At first, the cop just asked for it back, but my buddy responded by throwing it off a bridge. He ended up doing like three months on house arrest or something like that. “If I can’t have it, nobody can!”
Who knew a traffic cone could ruin so many lives? That police officer had a weird day. Reddit user: Dahdumdumdum
Poorly Prepared
My mom. The officer gave her a ticket, and she decided she didn’t want it, so she took it and threw it in the officer’s face. When the officer decided to arrest her, she drew her knife, and it all went downhill from there. Who draws a knife at a cop? Seriously.
Nice to know you can decide you don’t want a ticket. Can we also decide that we don’t want to work, exercise, or do jury duty? Reddit user: pellal
Go Hard or Go Home
My buddy hates anyone knowing about this, but it’s pretty funny. He went to the courthouse to pay a speeding ticket, and at the metal detector, he emptied his pockets into the container. This included a small bag of weed. He spent the next five hours being the butt of a joke as officers took turns laughing at him.
“Empty your pockets” is an actual police term. Ever think about doing it before you go to the courthouse, buddy? Reddit user: BigBlueJAH
SlimJim Goes to the Slammer
I know a woman who got kicked OUT OF A WHOLE STATE due to a bar fight that happened near state lines. I have forever since felt highly under-achieved. I’ve only gotten 2 speeding tickets. Not gonna lie, “I got kicked out of Wisconsin for life” is a pretty sweet story to tell your grandkids.
It’s a pain to go and visit her though, since she can never come and see us because she can’t cross the state line. Reddit user: QueenoftheWaterways2
Police Are Not Playing Around
My ex boyfriend got arrested on Halloween while dressed as the SlimJim guy for drinking and riding his bike on the wrong side of the street. Good old college days; I really miss them. Probably no coincidence, because he was dressed like a big jerk-y. Sorry not sorry for that one.
Also no coincidence that so many funny arrests happen on Halloween. Come on, guys. Reddit user: [redacted]
Pizza Pickup
I was once confronted by cops for obstruction of public property. I was playing hacky sack with some of my friends on a sidewalk in downtown Greenville, SC. Got a $362 warning ticket. Just a warning because it was my 16th birthday. It’s not like I was actually damaging the sidewalk.
I’ve always assumed the cops were either bored or generally upset that day. The world may never know. Reddit user: [redacted]
The Snowball Effect
My sister’s ex husband got arrested for stealing a frozen pizza and a case of beer off a neighbor’s porch. He was totally drunk and had walked through snow from the porch to his house. Is anybody going to tell my former brother in law that pizza delivery is a thing?
Frozen pizza is delicious, but not worth walking through snow for… right? No? Okay. Reddit user: snakeoil-huckster
I did not get arrested. But I got a moving violation on an empty street for driving too slow while I threw a snowball. It was a $76 ticket, and the judge would not throw it out. I was just trying to have a little bit of fun with a friend, and it’s not like it was a main road.
Lesson learned, and I don’t throw snowballs from my car anymore. Way to spoil the fun, bro. Reddit user: mrgeef