Junk Food
While our parents are on the same page most of the time, they aren’t, of course, the same person. There are plenty of times when, for one reason or another, one of our parents does something that they’d rather the other not know about. From driving accidents to watching R-rated movies- and worse, children are sometimes asked to keep secrets from one parent, by the other.
In some cases these secrets are serious, although most of the time they’re just plain silly. And, whether they’re young or old, children usually have a way of telling the truth – when it benefits them. Here are some “please don’t tell mom/dad” stories from folks who’ve finally chosen to let the big secret out…
Blender
My dad used to drive me to my flute lessons across town every Wednesday evening. On our way back home every week, we’d stop at Baskin Robbins, and we’d take our time and talk. It was a really special thing, since both my parents worked two jobs and had to chauffeur around two high school-age kids to various functions, events, and other activities.
We weren’t well off, so this was a big treat that I kept secret. Schedules flipped around about a year later, and my mom was the one to take me to flute lessons, and she’d always get good junk food from the gas station, and we’d eat it in the car and talk. Neither parent knew the other spoiled me on Wednesdays. Reddit user: Caladriel
Motorcycle
When I was about seven, my mum bought a cheap blender for the kitchen. It was designed in such a way that you could basically put any old cup in there, and it’d still work. Mum was very strict about the idea that we were not allowed to use just any cup; we had to use the special blender jug.
Dad hated it, because it was a pain to clean. One time when mom wasn’t home, I asked to make a milkshake; he chucked everything straight into a cup and stuck that in the blender. I reminded him about the special jug. Dad replied, “Well, dad can do it this way, because dad said so,” then turned the blender on, and made a mess of the ceiling. Reddit user: AspieSquared
Dinnertime
I was 22, had just graduated college, and was living at home while starting my first “real” job. Being single, childless, and living at home, my living expenses were minimal, and I saved some money pretty quickly. I wanted to do something exciting. A co-worker told me I should buy a motorcycle, but I knew mom would never approve of it.
When my parents were out of town, I bought a used motorcycle. My mom hated it; my dad, however, had wanted one when he was young. Not long after, my mom went out of town. My dad asked if I wanted to do anything. I asked if he wanted to learn how to ride a motorcycle. He lit up as I’d never seen before. Reddit user: KittyLicker2386
Lord Of The Rings
Growing up, my parents worked one full-time job, and two or three part-time jobs, to make ends meet. When I was six or seven years old, my mom had just had a tough week; she’d been fired from one of her jobs, her brother called and asked for money again (he was a meth addict), and she was just not doing well.
During her last job of the day, my dad tried to make her something special for dinner. He couldn’t finish without some ingredient, and instead of taking me with, leaves me on the couch with a book and a promise not to move. He rushes to the store, and while rushing back, he gets a speeding ticket. He told me not to tell mom. Reddit user: ScytheTheHero
Back Seat Driving
When I was 13, LOTR:FOTR was being released. It’s okay if you don’t know what that movie is about. There are really no words to describe how excited I was about this film, and I begged my parents to take me to the midnight showing. It turned out that I had some sort of standardized testing the next day, so it was out of the question.
My dad made a big deal out of how everyone had to go to bed early, so I could do well on my test. I was furious. I slipped into my own dreams of Middle Earth. Suddenly, I was shaken awake. “Mom’s asleep. I’ve got the tickets. Let’s go…quietly.” Best night of my life. I don’t know if my mom ever figured it out. Reddit user: gambolier
School Bully
My don’t tell mom story is about learning to drive. When I had my learner’s permit, my dad was supposed to help teach me to drive. He had me drive him everywhere, and teaching me consisted of him leaning the seat back, turning the radio on low volume, and napping until we got to our destination. I remember the first day it happened.
He just said, “I’m supposed to be monitoring you closely and keeping an eye on every move you make, but I’m tired. You’ll be fine. Just don’t speed. And your mom doesn’t need to know I’m asleep, or she’ll kill us both.” What dad doesn’t know is that when my brother got his permit last year, mom’s way of teaching him to drive was the same concept. Reddit user: [redacted]
Work With Dad
Back when I was at school, I had a habit of lashing out at people who picked on me. An older boy came up behind me and poured a drink on my head. I responded by turning around and punching him repeatedly in the face. It devolved into the usual schoolboy scuffling, until he ran off after seeing a teacher coming our way.
I got into trouble, but got off the hook for it. I just got sent home. Mom was working, and dad was working from home, so he met me coming in. I was terrified of what would happen, but all he asked was, “Did you start it?” No. “Did you finish it?” Yes. “Did he deserve it?” Yes. “Let’s go watch TV. Don’t tell mum.” Reddit user: Koras
Late-Night Movies
My dad worked as a bus driver. He owned a motorcycle, and would ride it into work some days. He’d take me into work at times, and I would ride the bus with him all day. So the first time he decided to ride his motorcycle in with me, my mother told him to take the slower streets and not the interstate.
I woke up super early with him, and he proceeded to ask me, “Do you want to take the slow way? Or the really fast way?” Naturally, I wanted to go the fast way, so he told me never to tell my mom. Every time after that, we would blaze down I-95 to his job with me hanging on tight to his back. Reddit user: CajunPlatypus
Witness Escort
My mother had to move away for a year for job-related reasons. I remember clearly that she sat my father down in the kitchen (who up until that point had been the one to work more, and had been around less) and told him exactly what the rules were for us kids. One of them was “being in bed by 9:00 pm…”
As soon as she was out the door, my father turned to me and said, “Children of the Corn is on tonight, you want to watch it?” It was on at 2:00 am, and it was the first horror movie I ever watched (I was 11). Luckily I loved it, and horror movie nights became our secret thing to do when my mother wasn’t around. Reddit user: Vee-The-Bee
Teenage Driving
When I got out of the Navy, my dad, a retired cop, got me a job as a witness escort. It was basically a security guard gig, taking low-risk and low-reliability witnesses back and forth to court. On my third assignment, as we entered the lobby of the witness’s apartment building, a guy steps up and shoots me with a .25 caliber handgun.
My dad came and got me from the hospital. My jacket and shirt were taken as evidence, so all I have to wear is my pants and an ice-pack. He hands me a bag. Inside the bag were an identical shirt, coat, and tie to what I wore that day. He told me, “Don’t tell your mother!” He bought me the outfits for the job, and kept an extra set for just this reason. Reddit user: Steampunker683
Skateboarding
I was 13, and we were coming back from a trip. We were on an old highway that my dad had traveled a lot in his childhood. He was exhausted from driving the whole way through the night, so with an hour left, he pulled over, told me to trade seats with him, and told me to drive until we were back in town.
I had only driven during lessons in a parking lot. I was told to keep it under the speed limit and don’t pass anyone. Later, I switched with him near my mom’s. He told me, “You did great, but remember to give semis more breathing room.” Then he told my brother, “Don’t even think about telling your mom, and you’ll be doing this in a couple of years.” Reddit user: Freon424
Racing School
Here’s a fun don’t tell your mom story. When I was 15, I used to skateboard up and down my street from the time I got home from school until I went to work. One day my dad met me at the end of the road coming home from his job, and told me to grab onto the bumper of his 1993 Bronco.
I held it initially but lost control. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and I destroyed my forearms and legs. Mom never knew that it was because I was being pulled behind the car. I told her I went down a hill too fast. Dad wrote me a couple of sick notes for my silence, and I got to stay home from school for a couple of days. Reddit user: Ramirezaw
Dutch Exam
For at least ten years of my life, I bugged my parents to let me race cars. Finally, when I was 19, my dad agreed to let me try the Skip Barber Racing School, but my mom couldn’t know. She’s super nervous and protective, and the only reason I was never allowed to start racing was “she could crash and die.”
Anyway, my dad ended up withdrawing money from the bank so he could pay for racing school, and he told my mom that he was coming to visit me for the weekend during the five days that I had the racing classes. Mom still, to this day, doesn’t know that I got to learn how to race cars. Reddit user: goobino
Driver’s License
It happened a few months ago. My mother works as a nurse in a Danish insurance company. Sometimes she’s out getting patients who’ve been hurt to make sure they come safely home to Denmark. Now, right after my final exam (physics and chemistry), in which I got an A, I come home to two lovely things.
The message was that my mother was happy, but in the Caribbean getting a patient. And my father, who has a grocery bag full of the sweets we usually buy in small quantities. We watched Game of Thrones and enjoyed burgers. My dad looks at me and says, “For all your mother knows, we just ate what she prepared and left in the fridge.” Reddit user: Cony777
Car Wreck
When I turned 16, my mom wouldn’t let me get my license, but she really hated my dad (divorced), and of course, dad wanted his Brownie points. He took me to get it about a week after I turned 16, and my mom didn’t know until I was 17, when I mentioned that I was driving one of my friends’ cars because he was tired.
She completely flipped out on me, telling me that I only had my permit, and I was breaking the law by driving a car by myself, at the top of her lungs. I just pulled my driver’s license out of my wallet and kind of threw it at her. I’ll never forget the look on her face at that moment. Reddit user: torev
Grand Theft Auto
I was out driving my mom’s car one night and decided (against my better judgment, of course, considering how this story ends) to go to the Saturday races with my buddies. Long story short, my buddy ends up rear-ending me, so I end up lying to cover my butt, saying it was a hit and run. Unfortunately, my buddy didn’t exactly get the memo.
So word gets passed through our parents, and my dad realizes the stories don’t match. Dad asks to see me one morning, and reams me out before I leave for school. That evening he pulls me aside and says, “I’m not going to tell your mother, but I need to know you’re not going to tell her the truth one day.” It’s still a secret, four years later. Reddit user: [redacted]
Road Trip
Oh boy, I was like 15 years old, and I’d somehow convinced my dad to buy me GTA SA for my birthday (him not knowing what it actually was). When he saw a bit of me playing, he realized the game wasn’t for kids. And he told me something like, “Make sure your little bro never watches you playing this game” (he was seven).
Cut to a couple of days later, and I’m going to the computer to play a bit, and there my father was, playing Grand Theft Auto, in a fire truck mowing down people on the sidewalk left and right. With my little bro on his knees, laughing right next to him. He gave me this look that said to not tell anyone. Reddit user: NoName320
Fireworks
I had just turned 18, and my dad took me on a road trip to Laughlin for a little gambling. Sounds pretty good, right? On the way there was the very first and only time he told me about his experiences in Vietnam. He answered every single one of my questions, and told me about his friends who never made it home.
At the end of the trip, he told me that I was never to tell my mom about the conversation we’d had, as he’d told me things that even she didn’t know. We’ve never discussed that road trip since then, but being a vet now myself, I get it. And someday, I’ll take my own son on a road trip. Reddit user: Father_VitoCornelius
PS4
One time we got some fireworks from my uncle. Dad and my brothers and I all started setting them off in the backyard. One of them went rogue and shot off into the neighbor’s backyard, and set a trashcan on fire. Rather than put it out or go tell the neighbor, my dad looked at the three of us, and then ran into the house.
We followed. Five minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and it was our neighbor. My brothers and I listened as our dad proceeded to act as if this was all news to him, pin the entire thing on my brothers and me, and promise to “handle the situation.” After the neighbor left, he begged us not to tell mom. Reddit user: PrayforMojo78
Christmas Hookie
I got straight As in my sophomore year of high school. It was rare for me to get As, so my father said he would take me to GameStop to buy the new PS4. My mom told us our budget was only $200 bucks, but my dad bought me the PS4 + GTA Bundle, NBA 2k14, Call of Duty: Ghosts, an extra controller, and a TV for me to play in my room.
It wound up being around $880 bucks, but my dad said he’d just work extra hours to pay it off, because of how proud he was of me. He didn’t even have to tell me not to tell my mother; all he had to do was he just gave me ‘the look’ once we got in the car. Reddit user: Ivan_834
Boating
Once, my dad and I both had the same idea to play hookie from work/school as a long con to avoid going to my mom’s Christmas party at her school. We both hate hearing the children sing Christmas carols in their tone-deaf way, and my mom hates it when we don’t go and suffer with her, because then she has to suffer through it alone.
I remember when both of us came out of our bedrooms and literally bumped into each other, because we both thought we were the only ones at home. We locked eyes with each other, and knew the truth instantly. We made sure never to tell mom about what we were actually doing during mom’s school’s Christmas party. Sorry mom. Reddit user: riya4fun
Newspaper
My dad was into sailing. When we went sailing, he’d pick up a bottle of rum and a six-pack of craft beer on the way. We’d get wasted on the first night, because we weren’t going anywhere until the next morning. I started doing this with him around age 14, but I’m sure he was doing it when he went sailing alone long before that.
Dad had a serious alcoholism problem, and had to be under tight control at home. On the boat, he was who he was. I made sure to always go with him, so he didn’t have to get drunk alone. Mom hated sailing and never went with us. I’m not sure whether this memory is happy or sad. Reddit user: SacredWeapon
Superhero
My mother was an alcoholic growing up, and some years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Some weeks later, I was just sitting next to my father on the couch watching TV, and he silently hands me a newspaper, pointing at one particular stub of an article. It was about a study that claimed alcoholism leads to a significantly heightened risk of breast cancer.
We then kind of decided that it was probably best not to share that with her, though there’s no knowing if she’d read the same article that morning. Kind of a small thing, but the memory always stays with me, and it links two significant periods in my life together. I had a lot of those moments with my father. Reddit user: Ebu-Gogo
Formula 1 Racing Fan
My dad is a huge comic book nerd, and so when he bought a bunch of workout equipment, it was to get in shape to become our city’s masked crime fighter, which is hilarious because our city is super safe. However, he was dead serious. The first thing he wanted to do was climb the iconic clock tower in our city.
He wanted me to help him with the technical side of crime-fighting, and the one time he’d told my mom he wanted to climb it, she said she’d call the cops. It was always my dad’s and my secret, that when he and I would go work out, it was to buff up for this absurd goal. Reddit user: GlamrockShake
Dad’s Laptop
My sister, dad, and I were on a weekend vacation in London. My dad is a huge F1 fan – now, when I say huge, I mean pretty huge. Not only does he have a shrine for this stuff in our basement, but he also owns a lot of unique and costly pieces, like a certain driver’s visor from a certain competition, and things like that.
So, naturally, we went to some kind of store with a lot of this stuff, and he saw a miniature car (in my eyes, it was much like the ones kids play with) that costs a few hundred pounds. He made me and my sister swear we wouldn’t tell mom how much he paid for that tiny, tiny car model. Reddit user: rui_tan
Uncle’s Wedding
This story is pretty crazy and silly. While my mother was traveling out of the country, my 75-year-old father was home alone, when he had a stroke and collapsed. He was somehow able to get to a phone, call 911, and was taken to the hospital. I went to visit him while he was in the hospital recuperating from the stroke.
My sister was already there with him, but my mom wouldn’t be able to get a flight until sometime the next day. My father was a bit out of it, and had a lot of difficulty speaking. He had to struggle to find every word and get it out. “Go….to…my…house…close…my…laptop.” What was on his laptop? One can only imagine. Reddit user: phillips421
A Lost Brother
We were supposed to go to my uncle’s wedding, and there wasn’t enough room for us in all the cars, so my dad and I took public transport. When we arrived at the place, there was nobody in sight yet, so he brought me to a café just in front of the place, and bought two orange juices and some food.
We waited for half an hour, and then we saw all our family coming out of the ceremony, which was over before we’d ever managed to get over there. “Don’t tell your mom,” he said while paying. We both left as soon as we could, to sneak over to the reception. It wasn’t too bad. Reddit user: Y3llowB3rry
Father-Son Bonding
My “don’t tell mom” story is kind of depressing. After his brother committed suicide, my dad tried to remain as strong as possible for us. However, one night a day or so after the funeral, my mom was out somewhere, and I was home alone with my dad. I was about to go to bed, and we were standing in the kitchen.
All of a sudden, he completely broke down, looked at me, and said, “Dave, I’m going to miss my brother,” and hugged me for about five minutes, sobbing and bawling his eyes out. After both of us regained our composure, he told me, “Don’t tell your mother about this,” and I still haven’t, even some 28 years later. Reddit user: ibejustaman
Winter Driving
My mom had taken my brother to a doctor’s appointment in Oklahoma City (I’m from the middle of nowhere), so that left me alone with my dad, who’d just gotten back from being on an oil rig for a month. He’d gone out to get “dinner.” and came back with at least 50 dollars worth of pizza and five six-packs of various beers.
So dad and I spent that night drinking, watching movies, and eating pizza. This happened a few months ago, and I’m 15. Mom didn’t get back until the next day, and by that time, we’d discarded all the evidence (except what was left of my hangover). Not telling my mom was a given, but I wasn’t supposed to tell my brother, either. Reddit user: reddirtmechanic
Mom’s New SUV
It was Christmas Eve, and mom and I were driving downtown to church. My dad and sister wanted to walk to the church instead. There is a short old train rail tunnel in town, and as my mom and I drove through it, the car slipped on the icy road, and we went into a nearly 360-degree spin. My mom insisted we didn’t have to tell dad.
On our way home, it’d gotten colder, and my dad was driving now. As we went through the tunnel, the car, this time with my dad driving, again took a nearly 360-degree spin, and my mom and I sat in disbelief. We never told my dad, and made fun of his driving skills. It happened 14 years ago, and he still doesn’t know. Reddit user: Yahshua
Sleighing
When I was younger, there were a few times when it would just be my dad and me driving somewhere. When mom wasn’t there to spoil the fun, my dad liked to pull off the road and do donuts in a ditch, or do a power brake slide, or a burnout, etc. I think he knew that I thought it was awesome.
Once we were driving along in my mom’s new SUV, and he decided to attempt a reverse handbrake turn. He cut the wheel and pulled the handbrake, and about halfway through the turn, the car came up on two wheels. The car came close to flipping. We instantly locked eyes, and, having almost flipped mom’s new car, I got the three words, “Don’t tell mom.” Reddit user: spycrab87
Train Ride
When I was a kid, 10 or 11 years old maybe, and my brother was seven or eight, my dad would take us sledding behind the car on dirt roads. It was really cool, until the sled broke. So instead of buying a new sled, dad found a junk car and took off the hood to use. I went around a corner too quickly, and the “sled” went off the road, crashing into a tree.
I got a broken nose and bruises, but mom never did find out what actually happened, which is good. Dad took the old sled and showed mom, saying that the accident happened when that one broke. My brother and I never said a thing to our mom. My dad was really pretty cool. I sure do miss him. Reddit user: TheJohnnieP
Icy Driving
My dad and I were up in San Francisco for a 49ers game when I was around 12. We got on the BART to head to the game. At one of the stops, a young black couple got on and sat across from us. The black guy started asking my dad questions such as if he, “Rolls joints, and protects his blood with pieces and switches?”
My dad responded to every question. When we got to our stop, the guy said: “You straight-up pop, you do your blood proud.” I asked dad later, and he simply said, “Don’t tell your mom about this; that guy was a gang member who could’ve gotten violent with me.” I didn’t believe him until the news reported that a gang leader was arrested, and up pops that guy’s picture. Reddit user: Nirabisbored
Car Crash
It was during a fairly decent snowfall in the middle of winter. I was on the way to the store with my dad, no other cars were on the road, and it was pretty slick. I was fairly young and didn’t know what the emergency brake handle did, so I asked. My dad proceeded to say, “Oh, this? That’s the Batman brake,” and pull it full on.
We were probably going at least 35 or 40 miles per hour, did a 180-degree spin in the road, and ended up on the wrong side of the road. My dad just looks over at me and smiles, turns off the break, proceeds to the store, and says, “Don’t ever tell your mom I showed you that.” Reddit user: brawler839
The Talk
I notice most of these stories are with fathers and their sons, so here’s one about my father and me (his daughter). My dad was taking me out driving when I first got my license; I accidentally drove the car over the curb and straight into a fence. Sixteen-year-old, fresh-driver me got the brake mixed up with the accelerator.
We both just kind of looked at each other right then and said to each other, “Mom doesn’t need to know.” I threw the car into reverse, backed out of there as quickly as I could, and went back to practicing parallel parking in the safety of a parking lot. Those were fun times with dad. Reddit user: figureskatingblazer
Wedding Ring
I was about 14 or 15, too old for “the talk,” but this is apparently when my parents thought it was appropriate to tell me about sex. My dad comes into my room, sits on the end of my bed, and asks if we can talk. I oblige. His opening line was, “Your mother and I have a great intimate life.”
I stopped him there. “Dad, I know what it is, and I know I should wait or at least be smart. I’m not having this conversation.” “Well,” he replied, “your mom expects us to have this conversation.” We sat in awkward silence for about five minutes. He finally got up and told me to tell my mom the conversation was beneficial. Reddit user: nahallah1020
Sister Time
I work at a diamond retailer. A nice young woman, maybe 24 years old, came in to get her mother’s engagement ring assessed. She wanted to use the center stone to create her own engagement ring, so she could get it from her fiancé. They were big into legacy jewelry, heirlooms, and other stuff like diamonds passed on from generation to generation.
She hoped to leave it to her own kids one day. I could tell from the second I looked at it that it was cubic zirconia. I broke it down to her like this. “I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is that this isn’t a real diamond, and the good news is your dad is paying for whatever you want at the wedding.” Reddit user: Mackintish
Zoo Trip
My oldest sister was 11 yrs older than me. She was my best friend, more of a mother to me than my mom, and I loved her more than anything. At one point, she and my mom had a huge falling out. My mom forbade me from seeing her, or talking to her. My parents were separated, and I got to stay with my dad every other weekend.
During the time I was not allowed to see my sister, my dad would give up one of his days to let me see and do things with her. My dad was the best. Sadly, my sister passed away unexpectedly nine years ago; my dad passed away in January of this year. I miss them both so much, and will always feel the void of them being gone. Reddit user: SuccubusBo
Father-Daughter Ride
My dad, while driving all six of us to church one Sunday, decided to give us a choice. When we got to the end of the block where we had to turn, he asked us all if we wanted to go to church, or the zoo. We all screamed for the zoo. The plan worked out fine, and he had all our promises not to tell mom.
We went to the zoo for a couple of hours, and had an absolute blast. It was going really well until my little brother started crying to our mom because he was supposed to be in mass for something or other, and had missed it due to going to the zoo. So she found out anyway, but it was fine in the end. Reddit user: [redacted]
When my youngest daughter was about seven, she would help me wash my motorcycle in the garage. She would throw on my helmet and jump on the back, and just sit there as I’d polish the chrome. One day, I turned on the bike, and took her for a quick ride down the alley. I went about five houses down and turned back.
Our top speed was a neck-breaking four mph. She absolutely loved the experience. We made it our own little secret. And I had her change clothes immediately, so her mom wouldn’t smell the exhaust on her. We finally told her mom when my daughter turned 13. She’s now 18, and still jumps on the back as often as possible. Reddit user: drinking-beer