Say When
Getting married always comes with a learning curve. From moving in together, to figuring out how to share the same bathroom without going crazy, there’s always something new to work through. But, when two people come together who are from totally different backgrounds, they might get a little more than they initially bargained for—including a whole new appreciation for how the “other half” lives.
If you grew up rich, but the love of your life grew up below the poverty line, you’re probably in for a lot more learning than you ever imagined. But with enough time, patience, and a lot of love, you can get through just about any bump in the road towards marital bliss, right? Check out these stories from rich people who share some of their biggest surprises, and hardest lessons-learned, from marrying someone poor…
F.H.B.
This is more of a funny incident, but I was the poor one. My husband, at the time still my boyfriend, took me out to a very nice restaurant. The waiter asked if I wanted pepper on my Caesar salad, which had just been made table-side. I said sure, and he goes about it. The thing is, I didn’t know you had to tell them when to stop. My husband slowly realizes this, but decides to see it play out. Cute.
He did, eventually, tell me that I needed to speak up and tell them when it was enough. I was so embarrassed. I just thought a Caesar salad was eaten that way—with a lot of pepper. It was my first time eating a salad that wasn’t just iceberg lettuce with ranch dressing. It still tasted fine, just a little bit too much pepper. Reddit user: singlewhitewolf
A Different Experience
When my in-laws had people over for dinner, if they ended the prayer before the meal with “F. H. B. Amen,” it was a signal to let the children know that they didn’t have enough food for everyone—and that they were to take smaller servings, so that the guests could have enough to eat. I was eventually told that F.H.B. stood for “Family, hold back.”
They were always so generous to their friends, and didn’t let their lack of funds keep them from spoiling their guests. I don’t think any of their family friends ever knew that they weren’t very well off. They hid it well. They still try to hide it, even from me. When they invite us over for a family dinner, I always insist on bringing a large dish. They’ll never have to hold back for me. Reddit user: Cartoonlad
Doing Something Special
Honestly, food insecurity was the biggest shocker for me. When we were first married she’d get visibly uneasy if the food in the house was running low. She never over-ate or anything, but she was always concerned about how much food we had, and if we’d be able to get more. A lot of times when she was younger, she went hungry.
On the humorous side, though, she hates camping with a passion. When I ask her if she’d like to go on multi-day hike and camp out under the stars, her answer is always the same: “You camped because it was fun; I camped because my parents couldn’t afford hotels.” We don’t go camping a lot unless there’s an RV involved. Reddit user: r-cubed
It Only Happens Twice A Year
She and her mother lived with her grandfather in order to not be homeless. Her grandfather owned a house, so it made sense. She was putting community college payments on her credit card, and building debt. I paid off her credit cards when we were dating, and she cried over me being so nice—it was only like $1,300 bucks. It was nothing to me, but everything to her.
I bought a condo when we first started living together. When we got married, we bought a house. I never really considered myself rich until I started dating her, and learned that a trip to Wendy’s was a treat. I grew up middle class, and we are currently middle class. Still, we get to Wendy’s a lot. Not to be cheap, but because she’ll always equate it with doing something special. Reddit user: Amazingawesomator
Totally Different Perspectives
The biggest realization I had was being informed that, when you’re poor, you end up making financial decisions based around the three-paycheck months. If you’re paid every two weeks, most months you get two paychecks, and all of your monthly bills and budgeting is based on those two paychecks.
Rent, utilities, groceries—literally everything you do depends on making those checks stretch. But, twice a year there are three paydays in a month. And that’s when you can actually solve financial problems. That’s when you can get the car registered, or fix the dryer, or get the cat spayed.
The other ten months, you’re doing maintenance and trying to scrape by. During those three-paycheck months you can actually try to fix problems. I was totally blown away when she explained that to me. No wonder she never had a savings account. Reddit user: appleciders
She Won’t Spend A Penny
I’m on the other side, as well. I married a girl from a very rich family. Although we both earn the same and I tend to worry about money, savings, and the future, through the years I’ve realized that —even though she worries less about that kind of stuff— she still manages to save more and spend less than me. She says it’s because she was always taught to just throw extra money into her savings account.
I feel like coming from a lower-middle-class family makes me think about saving more but, at the same time, I spend money on things as I could not have them all before I got my own job. It’s a weird “experiment” in how the classes handle money. I guess if you grow up rich, the appeal of being able to buy that $1,000 TV isn’t really there like it is for someone who could never afford it before. Reddit user: oauth20
I Still Try To Horde Food
I’m not well off, but my stepfather is. I was raised by a single mom who spent money on everything she wanted and was always behind on the bills. She just couldn’t manage her money at all. In her 50s she met and married a multimillionaire. We are in Middle America, so that goes further than in a lot of other areas.
They’ve given themselves a $10,000 a month budget to live on, and they own their own home. Very My Fair Lady.Anyway, once my mom met him and they got all her finances situated and paid off, she refused to spend a single penny more unless she absolutely had to. Yet my step-dad spends like it’s going out of style. He’s begged me to take her shopping for clothes and “whatever she wants,” but she won’t do it.
She spent more when she was a single mom with nothing. I really think she’s just worried that, if she spends any of his money, his family will think of her as a gold digger. But, I guess it could just be that she never wants to make those same mistakes again. Reddit user: danapca
Quantity Over Quality
My partner and I are both poor, but different kinds of poor—she’s never been homeless, or experienced food insecurity, while I have. She’s extremely frugal and hates buying anything we don’t need. I feel a desperate need to stock up if we have any extra money, and it’s a struggle for me not to fill our house with canned and dry goods. You know, in case we don’t have enough money to buy food next month for some reason, or the world collapses.
It makes no sense, but my instinct is to hoard food, because there was just never enough of it around growing up. She knows she doesn’t fully understand my need to stockpile food, but she’ll humor me once in a while and let me buy the 10 for $10 boxes of pasta, or get a case of canned beans. I don’t get to hold onto them, though. She insists that we use them, or it’s a waste. Reddit user: [redacted]
He Was Like “Whoa”
I’m from an upper-middle-class American family, and my husband is from a poor Southeast Asian family. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around how poor they really were when he was growing up. He’s told me about eating only rice with sugar for all their meals because they couldn’t afford to buy meat. They were probably, at times, living off less than $0.50/day for a family of five.
He tries to make it seem less sinister because, as he says, “In my country, you really can get food that cheap!” But I know it really affected him. He still wants to buy the absolute cheapest food he can find. He’d rather be able to get more food than enjoy better quality food. Food insecurity is a horrible thing, and you don’t know how it haunts someone until you see it in action. Reddit user: magenta_cobra
I Made Enough Money
My husband came from a very poor village in rural Mexico. He told me that he used to shower outside because there was no indoor plumbing, and that he had to use leaves as toilet paper. I mean, there’s poor, and then there’s my husband’s-previous-life poor. He insists, though, that there were villages that were even more impoverished than his.
It’s a hard concept to wrap my mind around. He’s been living in the US for twelve years now; but when we first met, it was so interesting to see life through his child-like eyes. Going to the cinema was a huge event for him. Heating food up in a microwave was a totally foreign concept.
Staying at “fancy” hotels when we went on vacation was like “WHOA” for him. I still see him being surprised by things I was used to now and then, and it just reminds me how much I take my middle-class upbringing for granted. Reddit user: uselessartsdegree
He Always Had To Put It Back
My significant other says, “Today, I made rent” once every few months. I’ve learned that what that really means is, “Today, I’ve accumulated enough money to pay the rent this month,” and I realized that this is a monthly accomplishment for someone who isn’t on a salary or fixed income.
I’ve never experienced that before, so when I heard it from other people—like my friends who wait tables—I always thought they literally made enough money to cover their rent in one day of working.I mentioned this to him and he was a little blown away that I’d never had to think about where my rent money was going to come from.
For us, fortunately, it opened up a conversation about how the “class” you happen to be born into not only affects your outlook on life. But it can really have a huge impact on the employment opportunities that you may have later on in life. Reddit user: colombodk
A Little Bit Of Cushion
My husband grew up in a family where they were comfortable, but still on a strict budget. There were six kids, and his mom was on disability. My family, in contrast, had no budget. We weren’t allowed to just spend like there was no tomorrow, but when we asked for this or that, cost was never a factor in whether or not my parents got it for us.
We were at the grocery store, years into our relationship, when I realized that he always insists on walking up and down every single aisle. One day I totally lost it because he was taking so long, and I demanded to know why he did it.
“Growing up,” he said, “we could only spend $100 a week on groceries for all of us. I always had to put what I wanted back because we couldn’t afford it. Now I can afford whatever I want, so I like to look at everything I could have.” It took him 10 years to tell me this. I felt like a terrible person. Reddit user: PonyPuffertons
She Just Replaced It
Credit cards were avoided in her family. Her parents actually taught her that they were the devil—which, I guess, isn’t totally incorrect if you aren’t taught how to use them properly. For me growing up, we were encouraged to get a credit card in our name, and use it as much as possible in order to build credit. There was always money to pay it off each month, so it made sense to 1) build credit and 2) collect airline miles, or whatever the reward was back in the day.
When we got together, she always used cash or a debit card. She had a credit card “for emergencies,” but avoided using it, otherwise. It took a long time to get her over her aversion and skepticism, despite us both having jobs that pay well. It also taught me a healthy appreciation for what it means to have a financial cushion. Reddit user: [redacted]
I Thought Warranties Were A Waste Of Money
My experience is from the opposite perspective; I was the poor one. It absolutely floored me how my wife acted when something broke or wore out. Her car, appliances, clothes, etc. As a child living below the poverty line, replacing a tire or other necessities was a disaster. It required tricky trade-offs in the budget, or acceptance of just how screwed you were.
When my wife’s phone broke, I went into full panic mode. She just shrugged and said, “We can just a new one this afternoon”. And we did—just like that. She didn’t panic, didn’t cry, didn’t wonder how she was going to afford to replace it. She just went out and replaced it. We’re pretty well off now, but it still boggles my mind how easy it is for her to deal with it when something breaks or goes wrong. Reddit user: DigitalSheepDream
He Thought He’d Never Retire
I’m from a wealthy family, and my partner grew up poor. A couple months ago, our new TV—from a big-box store—suddenly broke. I was just like, “Great, now we have to buy a new one.” But he said that wasn’t necessary. He had bought the warranty with it. That’s something I never do; I didn’t think they worked, so I didn’t want to “throw away” the extra money.
He spent about five hours on the phone, over the next three days, and got us a replacement TV. Brand new. Never seen the floor of a big-box store. That’s something I would never have done, or even thought of doing. I grew up in a family that just bought something new every time something broke. It makes me sound so spoiled, but I learned something, for sure. Reddit user: [redacted]
Getting Thrifty With It
My husband was making good money when I met him, but came from a poor family. The one thing that surprised me the most was his lack of budgeting. He had no knowledge of what a 401k or Roth IRA were, and retirement was something that he thought he’d never get to do. So even though he made good money, he was starting to rack up credit card debt, because he’d never been taught differently.
He took a few classes, and now he’s much better at it than I am. He adores budgeting and looks forward to FIRE. FIRE stands for: “Financial Independence, Retire Early.” I guess my privilege is showing, because I was so shocked that he really thought he’d have to work until the day he died. Apparently, that’s a reality for a lot of lower-class people. Reddit user: kyrira1789
Learned Habits Die Hard
I’m from the poorer family—not super poor, but my in-laws have a stupid amount of money so, by comparison, I was very poor. My wife and I have two young kids, and she was shocked when I said we should look for clothes and toys for them at local flea markets and garage sales. I didn’t think anything of it. I’d grown up with a hand-me-down and thrift store wardrobe.
The idea never occurred to her that we could save money by getting some gently-used items. She’d never even been to a garage sale in her life. She’s grown to love them, though, and now questions whether it’s worth it to buy any item new or not before running to Amazon or a store. Her parents think it’s disgusting that we “make” our kids wear clothes that another child had before, but they don’t pay our bills. Reddit user: PorkchopSquats
An Indirect Result
I came from a relatively wealthy family. We were “new money”—my dad started his own, very successful business, but he grew up poor. My wife came from a lower income, blue-collar family. We got married out of college, and neither of us made much money in the beginning. My biggest surprise was how she wanted to handle money.
She was shocked when my mom bought her a $100+ pair of jeans as a birthday gift. In her eyes, it was a waste of money. But at the same time, she wanted to get me a motorcycle—I didn’t, and don’t, ride, so I’ve no idea where that came from. And then, a new living room set, a new bed, and a new car. She wasn’t concerned about savings or retirement.
It took a long time for her to come around to the idea of having an emergency savings account, focusing on paying off debt, and not spending money on things we didn’t need. She eventually realized that she was on the same track as her parents. They had terrible spending habits—that she learned—and were in a huge amount of debt. She still has her moments, though. We recently paid off my car, and she immediately thought I should get a new car. Reddit user: shawn77
That’s Why They’re Wealthy
This doesn’t directly relate to the amount of money my now-in-laws have, I don’t think, but their homes—they move a lot—were always filthy. I mean, dog poo everywhere, dishes piled up, the floors were grimy, the places stunk of urine and cigarette smoke. They are such pleasant people, and put in a lot of effort to appear neat when they go out.
I’m not sure where the breakdown is. I suspect a mental illness and so does my husband, and I’m sure a low income doesn’t help. My husband was baffled when, after we first got married and moved in with each other, he’d come home to a house that was spotless every day. Well, by comparison, anyway. I’m not Cinderella.
On the flip side, though, I once dated a guy whose stepfather was a lawyer, so they lived a very lavish lifestyle. The only thing that he was surprised about when it came to my lifestyle was that I did not eat pizza with a knife, fork, and a glass of wine. Reddit user: RIPChairModel
She’s Picturing A Deathtrap
My wife genuinely thought—and her family still does—that there’s a direct relationship between someone’s net worth and the labels they purchase. If someone doesn’t have a Gucci bag or a Rolex watch why, it’s because they can’t afford it. Do you drive a five-year-old Honda?
That must mean that you don’t make a lot of money. Otherwise you’d never drive anything older than three years, right? She was astonished when I first told her that people exist who are ultra-wealthy, and yet choose to drive old cars, and wear clothes without high-end labels.
She was even more baffled when I informed her that, in some situations, it’s because of those choices that they’re able to stay wealthy, or accumulate more wealth. Her family, who are what they call upper-lower class, refuse to believe it. Reddit user: markjohnjacobsjingle
They Say Money Can’t Buy Happiness
I grew up in an upper-middle-class family, and was making just shy of six figures myself, by the time I met my wife. She grew up in poverty, and was homeless at times. Her dad went AWOL when she was 10. She’d gotten an Associate’s degree while working full-time, but was only making about $25k per year when we met.
We both had a lot of lessons about how the other half messes up their finances, but our first co-owned car was a serious trip for both of us. We weren’t married yet, but we were—obviously—headed in that direction. I suggested we get her a new car, and she treated me to a mindset about car-buying that sounds like a dystopian nightmare.
She thought I meant getting a 10-year-old injury-mobile to replace her 20-year-old deathtrap. Meanwhile, I’m picturing a chariot full of airbags, crumple zones, and anti-lock brakes.She’s telling stories about being bullied by car salesmen into buying the crappiest car on the lot.
I’m insisting that we can walk out with a 0.9% loan that we’ll pay off just a few months later, just to pump up her credit score. It really is kind of shocking how your money situation can color your whole world differently. Reddit user: OfficialControlGroup
He Doesn’t Have To Eat Off The Dollar Menu Anymore
I’m about to marry him. We met in college. My parents paid for everything. He had to take out student loans and get a part-time job. If he was really hurting, his parents would transfer $40 into his account. But that was pretty rare, and they’d give him such a hard time if he asked. He was always very anxious about spending money, and never bought name brands. He’d also buy essentials only when he was completely out. We’re talking only two rolls of TP at a time—single ply.
He didn’t really realize that buying so little every few days, rather than buying in bulk, was wasting money. When we booked our first vacation—a cheap road trip—he couldn’t pay for anything, and was worried the whole time. The anxiety would keep him up at night. It made me so sad to see him that way, and we had a hard time enjoying the trip.
We both have great full-time jobs now, and he rarely has any anxiety. But, he still never fills up his gas tank all the way. Only $10 at a time. Drives me nuts. He never has to worry about money anymore, though, and is so much happier as a result. Reddit user: flop_unflop
I Got A Lot Of Respect For That
My family is far from rich, but I grew up in the upper-middle-class realm, and was making three times as much as my now-husband when we met. He grew up extremely poor, and his family is still living that way. We’ve offered to help, but they always refuse. He says it’s probably pride, and to just let them do what they’re going to do.
One big difference is how he’s surprised that my parents pick up the check when we go out to celebrate a birthday or a graduation. It also still amazes him that my parents ask him to pick whatever restaurant he wants when it’s his turn. Outside of the ritziest steakhouse in town, they don’t care. For him, a big meal out used to be going to McDonald’s, and not ordering off the dollar menu. Reddit user: scthoma4
It’s The Little Things
My wife earned many times more than I did when I was a high school teacher. That was back when we were dating. Sometimes, she’d drive the 10-year-old, primer-black, stick-shift Honda Civic that my cousin lent me until I could buy another car. She was totally blown away at how aggressively mean people are to you when you drive an ugly old car.
She was even more shocked that, when she got out of the car and turned into a pretty girl again, the meanness-curse lifted.I got a lot of respect from her for that. She seemed to think I was a saint for not letting it turn me sour. Especially considering I was constantly getting pulled over, targeted for road rage, and even harassed by pedestrians who felt empowered to be aggressive.
I drive a brand new Honda now, and it’s such a completely different experience. I still drive the same—okay, I probably drive a bit more aggressively now that I can’t hear the wind roaring when I’m going over 40mph. I haven’t been pulled over, and haven’t had a negative interaction on the road in a long time. Also, my wife now enjoys trading cars with me. Reddit user: PhilSMeowman
Her Flashy Life Wasn’t Typical
This is a story my mom told me. I wouldn’t quite say that my dad is rich—he’s a doctor, though. Compared to the family she grew up with, he’s definitely very wealthy. As a kid, my mom’s idea of extravagance was buying gum at the movie theater. She had to pay her father back for the gum, though, and he was always trying to make every penny count.
When she started dating my dad, he’d take her to the convenience store for a soda. That’s it—just a normal Styrofoam cup full of fountain soda. After they married, they continued to do this every week. She was always so shocked. To her, the idea of getting a soda was a rare treat.
For dad, it was nothing. Not even pocket change. To this day, many years later, mom gets a soda every week. Sometimes it’s hard to see their love for each other, but these little rituals tell the story of their relationship. Reddit user: heraclitus_ephesian
She Didn’t Want To Waste It
My fiancé comes from a wealthy family. They have a beautiful home in a highly-sought-after zip code, three brand new cars, and they used to go on regular vacations when she was still in school. My single mom raised my sister and I, alone, in crappy apartments. The only way we could afford anything was because of hand-me-downs and government assistance. We weren’t dirt poor, but I never bought anything new until I graduated college and moved out on my own.
Anyway, throughout our relationship, we’ve had a series of conversations where she’s realized her family’s flashy lifestyle wasn’t typical. I, on the other hand, got to see how the other half lives. She was surprised to find I had never been camping in an RV or cabin, only tents. We didn’t go out to eat, except for very special occasions, while her family ate out every single weekend at nice restaurants. For most gift-giving holidays, we got practical gifts, and she got nice electronics.
Outside of these little realizations, though, our financial backgrounds don’t really affect us because her family is completely toxic, and she has nothing to do with them. It only ever really comes up anymore when I make jokes about her marrying down. Reddit user: FrizzTheWizard
There Are Perks To Marrying Up
She wouldn’t waste any food, ever. We went through a few rounds of her getting sick from eating month-old muffins and the like, before I convinced her it was okay to toss old food and go shopping. She grew up very poor so there was never enough to eat, and they absolutely never threw away food unless it was totally covered in mold.
One of our regular activities, when we first got together, was cleaning all the old, stale, and rotten food out of her kitchen. I know she was embarrassed by it, but it was really hard for her to break a habit that she’d had all her life. She still doesn’t like to waste food, but now we do our best to only make what we can eat in a few days, or to share meals when we go out. It might sound silly to some, but she doesn’t deserve to live with that kind of anxiety. Reddit user: scratchnsniffy
Apparently, People Mow Their Own Lawns
I’m not the rich one. We’re also not married yet. I was blown away, though, that my boyfriend believed public colleges are all tuition-free. I literally had to show him the financial aid pages for a couple of schools, to prove that public universities also cost money. I just can’t imagine, like, not even having to think about paying for college.
Not only that, but to live my life really, truly thinking that public schools and services are free. What a world to live in. Obviously, he’s realized how privileged he is, and does his best not to sound totally out of touch. Also, I can’t lie, there are definite perks to “marrying up” that I enjoy. Like, you know, not worrying about money. Reddit user: s0urfruit
He Thought We Were Going To Raise A Baby In That
I come from a family that’s in the top 1% of the 1%. I was walking out of my ex’s garage one day and I saw a lawnmower. I asked her why they owned their own lawnmower if they weren’t in the landscaping business. She—rightly—looked at me like I was insane. That was the day I learned most people don’t hire other people to mow their lawn. I was 20, and really dumb.
Now, when I’m afraid that I’m about to sound like a totally out-of-touch moron, I announce myself first. Like, “Okay, so my privilege is probably going to show, but…” Honestly, I probably still sound like a sheltered twit, but at least I’m a little more self-aware than I used to be. Pretty sure it was that lawnmower incident that made up her mind about me. Reddit user: IGotYouThisBox
She Can’t Believe They’re Still Stuck
He grew up in a very poor, and seriously dirty, house. There was literally trash EVERYWHERE. I asked him to do the dishes one day and he said, “Why? They’re just going to get dirty again, aren’t they?” Apparently, at his mom’s house, they kept all the dishes in the sink and only washed one when they needed to use it.
His mom was a single mom with three kids. She was in school full-time, worked full-time, and she never made any one of her kids clean. So it never got done, and they never learned how. Now they’re all desensitized to living in filth, which is really depressing. We’re no longer together because of a lot of issues relating to the kind of environment he was raised in—and expected to raise our baby in. Reddit user: nothingtastesthesame
I Can Spend A Lot More On My Hobbies
She just ignored things and didn’t plan. Car needs to be registered? Well, it has a service light on and can’t pass inspection, so I’ll just drive it unregistered until I get stopped. Student loans need to be paid? I don’t have the money for it, so I won’t open my mail from the servicer, and ignore the problem.
Need to fly somewhere for a big event? I can’t really afford the plane ticket, so I’ll push it off until the ticket is twice as expensive. It drove me crazy, because I’m the opposite. Luckily, I was able to change her worldview on these things. Her credit score went up a few hundred points, she got back on track.
Now I can’t believe her other family members are still stuck in that same pattern. I know I make her sound bad, but it was all learned behavior. She was never taught any different. Unlike her family, though, she was open to fixing it. Reddit user: blinkanboxcar182
They Pay For Everything
The biggest shocker was probably how often she shopped at Ross, grocery outlets—I had no idea those were even a thing—and other discount stores. I shopped at Whole Foods, and bought my clothes at Macy’s or online. Hear me out, though. I know I sound like a jerk. She totally changed how I choose to spend my money.
For grocery shopping, we now go to grocery outlets almost exclusively. Every once in a while we’ll go to Whole Foods. I find I spend a lot less on groceries and clothes now which, in turn, allows me to spend more on my hobbies. She never forced her lifestyle on me, and I appreciated that. She just did her thing and allowed me to either shift my views, or not. Reddit user: Chinmusic415
She Didn’t Even Know How To Cook
My boyfriend is from an upper-middle-class family. I grew up very poor. My amazing grandfather not retiring until he was 80 was the only reason we weren’t homeless. In contrast, the first time he and his siblings set foot in a public school was in college, which their parents paid for. We drove our car until the shop refused to release it because it was in such bad shape, and they regularly buy brand new cars for cash. Not super-rich, but practically millionaires compared to my family.
Originally, I was the reckless spender, and he was far more guarded. My mom has a lot of mental health issues, and didn’t teach me any “adult” skills, like finances. It wasn’t until I left to go to college that I started figuring stuff out. I opened a credit card to build credit, got a small amount saved up, but I still struggle with impulse-buying, especially when my depression gets worse.
He used to never spend any money, but now he makes all these impulse-buys, and I worry about getting money saved. I think the big difference is he’s still living at home while finishing school, and his parents pay for everything. Reddit user: panda3096
No Room For Dessert
I’m the poorer spouse. Growing up, I lived off of cheap/food-stamp meals, like scrambled eggs, ramen, rice, and the like. Eating at McDonald’s was the equivalent of going to a steakhouse for me. Needless to say, there wasn’t much variety. But, I was always in the kitchen, learning how to make these small meals with my parents before they passed away.
My wife, on the other hand, had a lot of fast food and big, home-cooked meals made by her mom. Most things were provided for her—she didn’t have to do much. When we moved in together in college and got married, the kitchen was mostly my domain, simply because she didn’t know how to cook, apart from a couple of recipes from a book her mom gave her.
Her go-to was, “Let’s get pizza!” or, “Pick up McDonald’s on the way home.” Being newlyweds and broke, we needed the kitchen more than we needed to be served. So, I’ve been teaching her how to cook. She’s gotten better, and I enjoy cooking with her and our son, but we still have a long way to go. Reddit user: SpikeKintarin
It Made Me Realize How Much Stronger She Is
I’m answering as a poor person whose partner’s family is rich. I about fell out of my chair the first time we went out to eat, and he ordered an appetizer in addition to his entree. That’s when I knew that we were from two separate worlds. Growing up, you never ordered an appetizer, and heaven help you if you asked if you could order a dessert.
I can’t lie, though; the simple pleasure of getting appetizers and desserts is so nice. To him it probably seems silly, but it makes me feel so fancy. We don’t even have to go anywhere nice, either. We could go to Red Lobster and get an appetizer, and I’m on cloud nine. Of course, those cheddar biscuits alone are enough to make most people die happy. Reddit user: missyelliottontap
One Cup For Everything
I came from a family worth multi-millions. My wife came from a family who could barely eat, and dealt with CPS at times. We fell in love in high school. We’ve been married for 12 years and love each other more each day. About five years into our relationship, though, I realized how weak I was compared to her. I realized that much of what I had growing up, while providing a safety net, caused a lot of the issues I have with anxiety.
In contrast, when we faced adversity in our earlier years, my wife was a solid rock. I don’t mean this to sound insensitive but, at times, I’m envious of what she experienced growing up, because it has made her into an amazing human being full of strength and peace. Nothing fazes her.
I was told, by so many people, how there would be challenges with our upbringings being so vastly different. The only challenge I see is on her end. She’s the one that has to deal with someone who’s so out of touch and was so sheltered—my parents had good intentions—from the harsh realities of life. Reddit user: tallbeardedwonderman
It’s A Humbling Reminder
I was shocked by how many tools her family could replace with a butter knife. Seriously. I was also surprised how they used the same cup for everything. Each person’s cup was used for everything from coffee to wine, milk to beer. I’ve come to appreciate many aspects of my wife’s previous lifestyle. I find I’m much less stressed now knowing how unimportant material things are.
The one thing I couldn’t accept, though, is how she used to put safety second. For example: no railing on stairs, and standing on makeshift ladders to grab things from high shelf, etc. I should add that I’m not what most people would consider rich; however, I was absolutely comparatively rich. I’m also proud to say my wife now makes more than me—get it girl! Reddit user: kbaltimore22
She Was Rationing Toilet Paper
Food was a privilege or luxury, not a given. My wife and I do well enough together—not rich, but comfortable. My parents are fairly well-off, and I grew up in a house with a fully-stocked pantry and fridge. Always. If I was hungry, I ate. I never had to wonder if there would be something in the fridge. I just opened it up, and grabbed whatever I wanted.
My wife grew up in relative poverty. If she was hungry, there was a strong likelihood that there was no food in the house, and she’d stay hungry. Trips to her grandparents’ homes to be fed were common. Her gratitude that our son will never know the despair of an empty refrigerator is a humbling reminder of our very different childhoods. Reddit user: [redacted]
I never really considered myself rich growing up. We never went to Hawaii, or Disney World, and I didn’t get a $60k car when I turned 16. My parents were just super frugal because of my mom’s very poor upbringing, and dad was happy enough to leave her in charge of the finances. He made multiple 6-figures before the financial crisis. When I think about my experience compared to my now-husband’s childhood, though, I see how privileged I was.
When we first started dating I was staying over at his house while he was at work, and I ran out of toilet paper in his bathroom. Panicked, I called him and asked him if 1) there was more, and 2) if we needed to go buy him some when he got home. He said, “No. There’s plenty in the laundry room.” The laundry room was on the OTHER side of his apartment.
I asked him why, and he told me that it was because his mom only ever had one roll in the bathroom at a time, and kept the rest in the laundry room. So I asked why he still did that. “Because she didn’t want us to use it up too fast. She said we used too much, and she was afraid we’d clog the toilets.” After a little more digging, I realized that she was actually rationing TP, because she literally couldn’t afford it. Reddit user: [redacted]